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2.03.2011Daniel Snyder, You're an Asshole
Hi, Dan Snyder. You're an asshole. Why are you suing Washington City Paper? Is it because they wrote this article, in which they totally cut off your balls and shove them down your throat? Yep, that's why. But, still, why are you suing them, really? It's not because of the article. It's because the newspaper is calling attention to the fact that you are a fucking asshole, that's why. And, Danny Boy, if it ever went to court, I'm positive that the judge will look you square in the eye and tell you, "Dan Snyder, you fucking suck you fucking asshole."
If you're reading this article right now and skipped over the link to the Washington City Paper article, please read it. It's un-fucking-believable. Dan Snyder really does suck. If you didn't already know some of the things he's done, you will be shocked. But let's not get off the track... Back to you, Danny boy... What the fuck is wrong with you, you fucking asshole? You're not just a douchebag. You're everything that a douchebag could ever hope to be. You took a once proud franchise and turned it into a complete laughing stock. You've embarrassed all-pro players. You've made a mockery of respected coaches (especially our beloved Joe Gibbs), and you've made a fool of all of us Redskins fans, who continue to believe year after year that we will finally have a team worth rooting for. You are not just a bad owner. You are the worst owner in professional sports. You are worse than the ownership group of the Pittsburgh Pirates, who haven't made the playoffs since Sharon Stone showed us her snatch for the first time. At least Pirates management doesn't pretend like they're trying. At least they have the decency to make shitty trades and not pay their players any money. At least, if you're a Pirates fan, you know you're team is gonna suck. But, no. Not if you're a Skins fan. We get excited as we watch you buy your way to mediocrity. Oooh, Dan Snyder just spent millions of dollars on a guy who once stepped on another guy's face! Yay! Now we might go 7-9 instead of 6-10! Fuck you, Dan Snyder. Fuck you right in the fucking face. Am I pissed off? You better damn well believe I'm pissed off. Originally I just thought you sucked because you ruined the Redskins, but now I know that you've not only ruined my favorite football team, but you are truly human scum. If the NFL had any decency whatsoever, they would remove you as owner of the team. If MLB can do it with Marge Schott and George Steinbrenner, the NFL can certainly tell you to go fuck yourself. You've done a lot of truly heinous shit. This is clear. But forget that for a second. You made one of the smartest men alive look like a moron. I mean, you made Bill Gates look stupid. Bill fucking Gates. Sure, the man makes a shitty web browser, but when push comes to shove, he's a good guy. He donates a lot of his money and time to helping sick kids in third world countries. For better or worse, he created something used by billions of people all over the planet. He's an iconic figure all over the world! And you made him look like a fucking douche for having the nerve to own stock in a company that was wildly successful before you took over. Do you see the fucking pattern here, Dan? Everything you touch turns to shit, you fucking dick. What the fuck have you ever done, anyway? You break contracts, exploit people, and engage in illegal activities, all in an effort to try and squeeze every dollar out of those of us dumb enough to like a fucking football team. So, go fuck yourself Dan Snyder. If I ever had any kind of power in my useless little fingers, I'd organize a group that could pay the players and coaches on your team enough money to refuse to play for you. We would tell those men that it's not their fault, and that instead of giving our ticket and merchandise money to an organization who uses our loyalty to a football team as an excuse to monetarily rape us, we will simply give it to the athletes and coaches who were also sadly duped by you. As much as I love the Redskins, I would love nothing more than to see you not be able to field a team next season. I would love for the players under contract to tell you to go fuck yourself. I would love for the coaches to tell you to go fuck yourself. And I would absolutely, positively, one hundred and ten percent love to see all the Redskins fans on the planet collectively tell you to eat shit and die by not supporting your seemingly oppressive, exploitative, and douchebag-like ways. You truly suck. Love, A huge lifelong Redskins fan who can't wait for you to fucking die. |
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