that's right. CHICAGO. i'm leaving to go there tonight. i'll be sure to let all you punk-asses know how lollapalooza was, and i'll also give you my "state of amusement" report about cedar point.

the last two weeks at work was insanely busy and, thus, hardly any blogging has been done. however, if you read this even semi-occasionally, that is not shocking news to you. i blog in streaks. sometimes i post daily, and then, without any warning, i'm rarely heard from.

oh well, what can i say, i'm a lazy bastard...

see you next week when i get back!

Labels: I'm An Idiot

i went to see a new haven county cutters game last night. a friend of mine had free tickets, so why not go, right? plus, they were first row right behind home plate.

well, a couple of beers into the game, some guy comes up to us and says, "hey guys, would you be interested in participating in a game between innings?"

now, normally, if not under the influence of frosty beverages, we probably would have declined. but seeing as how there was a total of about 125 people at the game (it was an unscheduled game with a possibility of thunderstorms) we figured we would only embarrass ourselves slightly.

so, after chugging another beer, we were those drunk idiots hopping in potato sacks, spinning around wiffle ball bats, and diving through inner tubes.

it was a heated race, as they started the gun before my last foot was in the sack. already i was behind. i was catching up until i took one big jump too many and fell. oh no! my determination forced me to perservere, though, as i got back up and made it to the bat.

i knew this is where i would have to win it.

with all the grace of a special olympics kid chasing a dog chasing it's own tail, i circumgyrated my way around the wiffle ball bat several times when i heard a man say, "green shirt you can go!"

i was just two inner tubes away from victory. but with my equilibrium shattered, and my jumbo hot dog about to reintroduce itself into the world, i needed to focus.

i made a bee-line for the first inner tube (by "bee-line" i mean my mind wanted to go straight, but my body wanted to go left). a head first dive and a little luck let me go right through the first tube without any difficulty. it was then, like michael moore downing a triple cheeseburger, that i knew i was in the zone.

i breezed through the second tube and emerged to cross the finish line victorious.

i'm not really sure how i won, but, apparently, my friend realized too late that it's usually best to get out of the potato sack before you try and spin around the bat.

it's all about the strategy.

so, who's next?? i welcome all takers...

Labels: Baseball, Drinking, Victory is Mine

last week totally sucked. i was so busy at work i felt like my brain was going to explode. i get stressed out at work a lot. really stressed. it's funny how i used to always laugh at the suckers who had these kinds of day jobs and thank my lucky stars i wasn't one of 'em. now i'm one of 'em.

nothing, however, could be nearly as weird as what a certain someone i know went through last week. you can't make this shit up... you just can't.

anyway... why do people actually watch local news? i mean, seriously, the reporters talk to you like you're effing six years old. and they always report on stories that are months old and present them like they're breaking news.

you mean grand theft auto is a game where you can beat up hookers and steal their money? no way! that's outrageous! why didn't i hear about this four years ago when the game first came out??? oh wait. i did. SO SHUT THE HELL UP ALREADY.

i can't even watch the local news. it's disgusting. here's, essentially, how they were presenting this story last night on the news:

"here's billy. he likes to play video games. but, oh no! there's a hooker over there! can you say 'hooker,' boys and girls? hookers are dirty filthy disease ridden cum goblets, but they're people too! oh no, billy! don't smack that bitch up and steal her money! wait a second... are those -- heavens to betsy, they are -- boobies!! oh the humanity! why are children playing this game?!?"

i have a simple answer to that. because their parents are irresponsible cokehead alcoholic pussies. here's an idea, how about paying attention to the stuff your kid is doing? sounds crazy, i know. here's another clue, adults play video games now. i mean, i thought it was cool that you could beat up hookers and shoot cops -- for about five seconds. then all i cared about was the fact that i was playing an awesome game.

and that's the other thing. i wouldn't give a shit as much if people were getting all pissed off about, say, the new leisure suit larry game. it's not a good game, but it's nothing but animated T & A. isn't that even worse than a game that actually has a storyline and involves skill?

grand theft auto is so much fun to play because the games are awesome. they're challenging and have good graphics, music, and gameplay. all the things that really make up a good video game. if you could beat up whores but the game sucked, guess what? nobody would play it.

oh well, at least i'll still be able to beat my future wife when she gives me some lip...

oh my god i'm freaking out
oh my god i'm freaking out
oh my god i'm freaking out
oh my god i'm freaking out
oh my god i'm freaking out
oh my god i'm freaking out
oh my god i'm freaking out
oh my god i'm freaking out
oh my god i'm freaking out
oh my god i'm freaking out
oh my god i'm freaking out
oh my god i'm freaking out
oh my god i'm freaking out

so, how was your 4th? mine involved a kick ass lunch in little italy and a free stephen malkmus & yo la tengo concert in battery park.

oh my god i'm freaking out
oh my god i'm freaking out
oh my god i'm freaking out
oh my god i'm freaking out
oh my god i'm freaking out...