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4.22.2005obviously...IN THE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES HOUSE CONCURRENT RESOLUTION NO. 29 BY WAYS AND MEANS COMMITTEE A CONCURRENT RESOLUTION STATING LEGISLATIVE FINDINGS AND COMMENDING JONATHAN GIBBONS AND THE MAGICAL LAND OF LLAMASACK FOR THE PRODUCTION OF THE BLOG "REMEMBER THE WHALERS. Be It Resolved by the Legislature of the State of Whalervania: WHEREAS, the State of Whalervania recognizes the blatantly obvious vision, talent and creativity of Jonathan Gibbons in the writing and production of "Remember the Whalers"; and WHEREAS, the scenic, beautiful, and magical land of Llamasack, County of Crotchpucker and the State of Whalervania are experiencing increased tourism and economic growth (I fucking wish); and WHEREAS, blogger Jonathan Gibbons is a native Whalervanian who was educated in the Whalervania public school system; and WHEREAS, the Llamasack High School administration and staff, particularly the really hot secretaries who give great hummers, have enjoyed notoriety and worldwide attention; and WHEREAS, "being a total loser" figures prominently on this blog, thus promoting Whalervania's most famous export; and WHEREAS, the friendship between JG and the Thighmaster has furthered relationships between one’s hand, one’s special purpose, and her royal thighness; and WHEREAS, Jonny Gibbons' beer die skills are a testament to Whalervania athletics; and WHEREAS, Michael Bolton's rollerblades and the King Whale's segway promote better air quality and carpooling as alternatives to fuel-dependent methods of transportation; and WHEREAS, Ron Mexico's recent run-in with the law, as reported here, promotes the importance of safe sex in the magical land of Llamasack; and WHEREAS, Peabs' trip to Coz' Flizzum-Flazzum Factory highlights a long-honored Whalervania vacation destination; and WHEREAS, Alexa's escort service promotes entrepreneurism and self-sufficiency in Whalervania's small towns; and WHEREAS, Isabella's artistic rendition of dropping a deuce is an example of the importance of the written arts in K-12 education; and WHEREAS, the Llamasack High School sex-education class fosters an awareness in Whalervania's youth of public service and civic duty to satisfy all sexually depraved residents; and WHEREAS, the "Happy Hands" club (NSFW) is an example of the importance of theater arts in K-12 education; and WHEREAS, Miss Macy's efforts to build a better dildo illustrate the positive connection between arts & crafts and lifelong relationships; and WHEREAS, Jon Gibbons (or as we like to refer to him, "the hottest piece of ass to ever walk the planet") and his relationship with OKCupid is a tribute to e-commerce and Whalervania's technology-driven industry; and WHEREAS, Marcello and Carrie's wedding shows Whalervania's commitment to healthy marriages, even if it turns your friends into raving wussies; and WHEREAS, the prevalence of poon tang as a primary food group pays tribute to Whalervania's cat industry; and WHEREAS, the Hangover Hockey League emphasizes the importance of both drinking to excess and physical education in Whalervania public schools; and WHEREAS, Pucky the Whale, Dave "Tiger" Williams, and Gerald Diduck (haha –"duck," get it???) showcase Whalervania's animal husbandry; and WHEREAS, any members of the House of Representatives or the Senate of the Legislature of the State of Whalervania who choose to vote "Nay" on this concurrent resolution are "Effing Retard Morons" and run the risk of having the "Living Shit Beaten Out of Them" NOW, THEREFORE, BE IT RESOLVED by the members of the First Regular Session of the thirty-second Whalervania Legislature, the House of Representatives and the Senate concurring therein, that we commend Jonathan Gibbons and the magical City of Llamasack for showcasing the positive aspects of Whalervania's youth, rural culture, education system, athletics, economic prosperity, diversity, and just overall fucking awesomeness. BE IT FURTHER RESOLVED that we, the members of the House of Representatives
and the Senate of the State of Whalervania, advocate always following your heart and/or dick, and thus we eagerly await the next blogtasatic undertaking of Whalervania's Jonny"El Gato" Gibbons. |
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