johnny mnemonic -- not only is it hard to pronounce, it's impossible to watch. i saw this for the first time last night on tbs. let me just point out that if you're watching a movie and you recognize a girl from starship troopers who isn't denise richards, there's a good chance the movie is going to suck. a lot. you'd probably be more entertained watching "pokemon 6: pikachu eats his own turd." to further emphasize the horribleness that is JM, i will use the following sentence, which could only be described as the #1 sign that your movie really really sucks. NOT EVEN DOLPH LUNDGREN COULD SAVE THIS ONE.
mission impossible 2 -- how they could go from making such a kick ass first movie (albeit somewhat confusing) to this absolute piece of trash is beyond my capacity for reason. oh wait, no it's not. people are idiots. they like this shit. nevermind.

great expectations -- whether you blame the novel, the scriptwriters, the directors, or the actors, it doesn't really make much of a difference to me. if you told me i was about to watch a movie with robert de niro, hank azaria, and gwenyth paltrow half naked for the entire movie, and that it would make "ghostbusters 2" seems like a cinematic masterpiece, i would've kicked you in the ballsack (or corresponding lack thereof). i mean square, full on, right in your crotchtastic privates. i mean, do movies get any more boring and pointless than this? i sincerely hope not.
lost in space -- again, tell me that i'm about to watch a movie with two of my favorite on screen celebrities, heather graham (obvs) and gary oldman, who's totally rad, i would've been psyched. in fact, i was, even though i'd seen and heard many reviews to the contrary. then, on that fateful day in 1999, i put it in my vcr, and my tape player was never the same after that. personally, i think it was just mad at me for making it play a movie with matt leblanc in it.

major league 2 -- i pretty much like any crappy ol' movie if it has to do with baseball. but not this one. there is absolutely nothing redeeming about this movie, other than to know that this is probably about as bad as one can get. the first major league was pretty goofy and silly, but it definitely had charm, and above all else, was funny. it's amazing, then, how they were able to completely fuck this up. i mean, i understand what they were trying to do, but -- oh, wait, no. i don't understand it at all, actually.

american psycho 2 -- um, i thought this would be one of those movies that i knew would be terrible, but i'd probably enjoy watching anyway. i mean, mila kunis is hot, and how can you not like shatner? well, it definitely nailed down the whole "terrible" aspect. i don't see why though, i mean, morgan freeman directed the film! oh, wait, not that morgan freeman.
i know what you did last summer -- i know what i did while watching this movie - throw up in my mouth.

starship troopers 2 -- i thought maybe this movie wouldn't suck. why did i think that????

pearl harbor -- i broke my most sacred of sacred movie watching rules. "never pay to go see a movie in the movie theater which stars ben affleck." i knew, without a doubt in my mind, that this flick was going to suck, and i wasn't disappointed in that regard. it's not even like i went to see it on a date, b/c then, maybe, i could've justified it somehow. but no. i made a mockery out of all my morals. i feel dirty just thinking about it.