$BlogRSDUrl$>
8.31.2004no guns?!? well then screw this job.
i swear, i don't make this stuff up...
let's see -- what madam ruby seessome fun photos taken on my way from connecticut to denver...
i was worried that might happen.
only in wisconsin. milwaukee can't be that bad with a sweet stadium like miller park...
imagine my surprise when i discovered rampant public cannibalism in denver! 8.30.2004wanted: product tester for trojan condoms
seeing as how i just moved here and am currently unemployed, i decided to use today to do some serious job hunting.
unfortunately, that didn't happen. instead, i used the day to get my first official speeding ticket. that's something i'm especially proud of since my colorado driver's license hasn't even come in the mail yet. other than that, i didn't accomplish much. however, while i didn't actually look for a job, i thought about the jobs that would be perfect for me. so, if you know of any openings for the following positions, please don't hesitate to e-mail me. CEO in charge of red sox bashing candidates must have 25+ years experience in loathing the red sox, and an extensive repertoire of insults. should be equally skilled in all forms of degredation, such as by chanting "1918" or re-enacting the whole bill buckner episode, or by reminding red sox fans that their team is so bad in september that the city of boston has officially filed for the name of the month to be changed to "ineptember." video game appreciator qualified applicants must be able to sit in a comfy chair and control their bladder for eight hours straight. the only acceptable forms of sustenance are foods which fall into the "potato chip/crunchy orange cheese" family, carbonated beverages (for maximum burping capacity), and tobacco ("wacky" or other). the two exceptions are as follows: (a) any food than can be delivered which meets the minimum grease requirement may be consumed. ordering and paying may prove tricky, however, since no game pausing is allowed. (b) the stadium pal and stadium gal are permitted, so long as the odor doesn't distract players from the game (note: david sedaris does not recommend these products). video game appreciator's assistant willing to assist video game player by ordering food, paying delivery man, fetching beer, packing bowl, distracting opponent, and adjusting catheter. vice president of time wasting must be proficient at avoiding any and all responsibility, while simultaneously giving off the impression that he/she is busy and cannot be bothered. acceptable forms of slacking off include napping, organizing (and reorganizing) dvd collection, making mix cd's for nobody in particular, reading the instructions on the back of a box of hot pockets, and slowly boring your readers to death with extraneous amounts of jejune babble. kraft macaroni & cheese supervisor strong management and training skills necessary. must keep track of all ingredients and supplies including, but not limited to, milk, butter, orange cheese powder, macaroni, water, sauce pot, and fork. must exhibit stovetop resourcefulness. knowledge of easy mac assembly is not necessary (easy mac is for pussies... seriously). 8.29.2004are the f*&!#g olympics over yet?
another summer olympics, another two weeks of controversy, failure, and triumph. now that it's almost finally over, i can officially say with great conviction, "eh."
the u.s. basketball team didn't win gold for the first time since they started using nba players. so what? does anyone really care? maybe, had we not won bronze, i could see why people would get a little upset. team italy, by the way, which is my "other" home team when i'm watching international sports, took the silver. paul hamm, the gymnast who won the gold in the all-around competition, was asked to give his medal back by the international gymnastics federation (FIG). paul hamm refused, and rightfully so. FIG wanted him to give the medal back as a show of sportsmanship, but i have a suggestion for FIG: make sure your judges can count all the way up to 10. let's see... what else... oh yeah, some crazy irish little-boy-fucker, or "priest," if you prefer, ran out onto the marathon course and pushed the leader of the race into the crowd. the guy ended up finishing third and getting the bronze medal, but how fucked up is that? seriously, something needs to be done about stupid people having kids. speaking of stupid... what i want to know is, "how many stabs with a railroad spike does it take to get to the center of that idiot's brain?" hmmm, what other inane bullshit can i write... i was watching a volkswagen commercial today. there's a little kid in the car with his dad. the kid keeps asking, "dad, what does this do? and this? and this?" you get the point. so, finally, the kid points to the button for the emergency flashers and asks what it does. the dad says,"it's a warp speed button, so whatever you do don't push it." so, of course, the kid pushes it. then the dad floors it and we all have a good laugh. actually, i'm laughing so hard right now just thinking about it, i'm losing all control over my ability to tyeop[fjpswjepdjfpkwj whew, sorry, all better now. anyway, the point i'm trying to make is how come cigarette companies are getting sued left and right for advertising to kids (amongst other things), and video game companies are getting shit for marketing violent games to minors, and fast food reastaurant are getting sued for turning already fat people into human grease balloons, but car companies don't get in trouble for coercing people to speed? how come clothing designers and fashion magazines don't get sued for inspiring girls to be anorexic and bolemic? why doesn't the entertainment media get sued for glamorizing excessive drug and alochol use? how come i can't sue reality television producers for turning half of the people i know into complete retard morons (whereas before they were only partial)? maybe i should sue knife manufacturers, because shit, dude, those things are fucking sharp! anyone else got any ideas? who would you sue and why? 8.27.2004mmmmmmm...dirty hippie
i realized when i woke up this morning that the cat which resides here has not been getting enough attention lately. this is mostly because my roommates are gone and i am allergic to cats. therefore, i ignore the furry piss factory as much as possible.
but, this morning (read afternoon) when i woke up, i noticed that the cat's toys were spread out across the floor. usually, the toys just sit in the corner of the room and collect dust. suddenly, i felt bad. so i actually sucked it up and played with the cat. i even pet the thing. of course, i can't take antihistamines because i am going out drinking. awesome. i think beer gets rid of stuffy noses anyway, doesn't it? 8.26.2004road construction sucks
marcello left for philly this morning. carrie leaves for vegas in a few hours. therefore, i have the whole house to myself this weekend.
sweet! party over at my pl--um... wait a second, i don't know anyone here. fuck. anyone have any suggestions for me? where does a single guy go by himself in denver? i am totally unoriginal
this blog entry was inspired by a much smarter person than me. she's much better looking than me also. i think... i'm not really sure, actually. it's probably a safe bet that she looks better than me in a dress, though.
obviously, she is also much cooler than me, because she was totally down with letting me rip off her shit. i just felt the need to lend a male perspective to the equation. oh well, at least i admit i have no creativity... that being said, i present to you: a 26-year-old single guy's guide to meeting someone quality saving the sanity of nice guys everywhere (even though i'm kind of a dick) so, there's this girl who... accepts the drink that you buy for her. why are you buying her a drink anyway? she's just going to think you're trying to get in her pants. at least get her out on a date first. then you can get her sloshed. if you really must pay for her beverage upon meeting, beware. most girls will be happy to have lightly awkward and uninteresting conversation with you in return for free alcohol. asks what you do for a living. let's see... why would she ask such a question? i'll tell you why. because she's making a devious attempt to categorize you in her brain. answer vaguely and change the subject. the less you say, the smaller the possibility of you seeming loserish. remember, girls always have a motive behind every "innocent" question... lets you light her cigarette. it will give you a cute girl to talk to for a little while, but she'll probably either ditch you later on, give you a fake number, or give you her real number and not ever call you back. if you try this one, be careful. hair is still flammable when you're drunk. is under the age of 24. not a good bet, unless you see her on a regular basis outside of a drinking environment. even then, it won't be easy to make it work. especially if she's still in college. what the hell's wrong with you anyway? seriously. dating a 21 year old college girl. i don't care how mature she seems, she's 21 and in a sorority, and you're less than four years away from 30. i mean, what kind of stupid retard would actually think that--er, um... oops! haha. kinda got a little sidetracked there. i can't possibly imagine where that came from... has been a friend of yours for a long time. eh. sometimes this works out, sometimes it doesn't. most of the time, though, one of you is interested and the other isn't. i've been on both ends of the spectrum. it sucks. but, if you have a friend who likes you the same way, then this is probably the best thing that could happen. is someone you met on an internet dating site. obviously, the first problem with this is that you'll have to make up lies to tell your friends so they don't know you met a girl over the computer. then you actually have to go on a date with her. if the first meeting doesn't make you want to flee in horror, then maybe you're on to something. of course, the chances of that happening are not good. i mean, not that i have ever met anyone over the internet. is a blogger. hey, bloggers are people too, right? i have no idea what that means. looks you in the eye. i say hurl. if you blow chunks and she comes back, she's yours. if you spew and she bolts, then it was never meant to be. is your little sister's friend. that's dangerous territory, my friend. you could be getting yourself into a whole world of trouble that you don't want any part of. just forget about it and move on. unless, of course, she's really hot. then it's totally cool. is someone you work with and get along great with but she's moving away and you're moving away and you won't see each other for who knows how long so you make plans to go to eastern europe together in a year even though you know it's total bullcrap and it's never gonna happen. just beat yourself until you've numbed the pain. that's pretty much the only option. is someone you met while bartending, and one night when you go out by yourself, you randomly run into her and her friends at the bar, and when she sees you she immediately goes up to you and grabs you and calls you "honey" and kisses you and introduces you as her fiancee to the guys who wont leave her and her friends alone, so the guys feel sorry for you that you're "marrying" the girl and buy you shots all night long. i swear to god this shit really happens to me. the bottom line is this: no matter what you do, no matter how innocent (or not) your intentions, girls are always going to be leery about your motives, and with good reason. so, just relax. if you meet a cool girl, just calm down about the whole situation. you'll be surprised at how effective it is. one day you'll be at some chill bar, minding your own business, and some cute girl will say, "oh, what kind of beer is that?" or something lame like that. then you can have her try yours and offer to buy her one. oh, wait a second... shit. 8.25.2004let the ice boxing commence
next monday, the world cup of hockey begins. the top eight countries will square off to determine, once and for all, who is the best at figure skating + beating the crap out of one another + a retarded version of shuffleboard.
luckily, i know a hockey expert who is excited and willing to give you the scoop on each nation and predict the outcome of the tournament. sadly, that man was deep fried to death in a tragic poutine related incident. therefore, you're stuck with me. CANADA yes, they are the olympic champion from two years ago. sure, they arguably have the most talented players on their roster of any team in the tournament. but there is no way that a country full of cheese curd and gravy eating frenchies is gonna take the championship. yeah, that's right, canada. i said it. poutine sucks! oh, and another thing... boxing day? why the hell do you need a holiday on the day after christmas? i mean, yeah, we celebrate the day after christmas, except we call it, "where the hell is the receipt for this utterly useless piece of crap so i can exchange it for a playstation game?" day. result: 3rd place CZECH REPUBLIC the czechs are crazy. they think it's okay to just liberally insert multiple Z's, K's, and V's with no vowels anywhere in sight. then they have the gall to pronounce their J's like Y's? that's insane! it's a travesty, and a sham, and a mock-- what? that joke isn't funny anymore? oh. shit. sorry. however, the picture above displays enough reason why i shouldn't be too hard on the czechs. any country that produces such a fine array of hoppy beverages can't be all bad. result: 2nd place FINLAND oh jeez. seriously, can't the fins and czechs get together and form some kind of union? the czechs could give the fins some consonants, and the fins have plenty of vowels to spare. why in the world do they have names with AA and II and UU in them? didn't anyone tell them the only vowels you double up on are E and O? damn, i thought i got this out of my system a couple years ago... apparently not. result: 7th place GERMANY these guys really suck. result: 8th place RUSSIA i don't care if they changed their government. they're all still commies as far as i'm concerned. just because their flag has the same three colors as ours, that means i'm supposed to trust these vodka swilling marxists? i don't think so. however, i'm willing to make an exception for maria sharapova. result: 5th place SLOVAKIA i picked on the czechs earlier, but at least people know about them. even though it's been about 15 years, the majority of stupid americans still fuck up by calling the country "czechoslovakia." of course, they only really pay attention to the "czech" part. i mean, seriously, how many americans even know that slovakia is a country? and, sadly, the slovaks don't make a beer as good as pilsner urquell. they don't play hockey as well, either. result: 6th place SWEDEN i'm not a fan of the meatballs, the fish, or the furniture, but the hockey team is pretty good. well, as long as they're not playing belarus in the olympics, anyway. result: 4th place USA the sport is so popular in this country that, given a choice, 52% of american men would prefer to watch ice hockey, while 48% would rather take it in the back door from kool-aid man. honestly, we don't deserve to win the world cup. too bad we're going to. result: 1st place, mofo 8.21.2004so, i live in denver now
things i saw on my trip through nebraska:
-- a "dennis kucinich for president" bumper sticker. apparently, i've now seen the person who voted for kucinich in the nebraska primary. -- a billboard that read, "EAT MEAT AND DIE." strangely, there was no second billboard behind it that read, "EAT VEGETABLES, DIE ANYWAY." the "great plate archway monument." i can picture this conversation: political official A: "hey, what are we going to do with all this tax money?" political official B: "shit, duder, i dunno" A: "hey, let's build an archway in the middle of the state on i-80" B: "um, why?" A: "what the fuck else are we gonna do?" B: "feed the hungry? house the homeless?" A: "dude, we live in nebraska. we don't have homeless people." B: "oh. right." 8.19.2004i can't believe i have to spend a night in nebraska
i'm going to omaha today.
ick. i feel dirty. why sonic hamburgers suck
to use the cliché, i'm probably about to bite off more than i can chew. i have so many goals when i get to denver.
-- quit smoking -- start running -- keep drinking -- play basketball -- learn html -- blog more often and add links and pics -- stop watching monkey porn (or at least watch it less often) -- start doing something that can almost be mistaken as the beginning of a career of some sort -- do all of these things and not become totally boring and lame (well, no more than i am now...) do you think any or all of these things are possible? am i crazy? or is it just that i am close to turning 27? seriously, though. i want to make sure that i am still having fun, no matter what. so, if any of you see that i've turned into a total snoozer, i ask that you punch me in the eyeball. i don't know about most of you, but i had never eaten at a sonic, or even seen one, before today. they're non-existent in the northeast. i have to say i'm not a fan. the burger i got was enormous but tasteless, and that does not beat fairly large and delicious, which is how i would describe a wendy's burger. not that i eat fast food very often anymore, but i was disappointed nonetheless. here's a tip -- don't nuke the burger with the lettuce and tomato already on it unless you like soggy nastiness. i know the theme of the restaurant is a 50's drive-in thingy, but that doesn't mean the speakers had to be made in that time period. i couldn't understand a freaking thing that the girl was saying to me. i don't know what a masturbating frog sounds like, but i would imagine that the noises coming out of that speaker would be close. on a separate note, right after i posted a random comment saying how boring the summer olympics are, paul hamm makes one of the most ridiculous comebacks ever to win gold in gymnastics. too bad i already saw all the results on espn.com before i watched it on television. 8.17.2004work in progress
please don't mind the appearance. there are still some tweaks being made.
i, just realized, that, i use a lot of, pointless, stupid commas
then it occurs to me that no matter how incoherent some of my blog entries are, at least i can properly say the word "nuclear."
i don't know about any of you, but i found it frikkin' hilarious that the men's basketball team got their asses handed to them on a silver platter with edible gold leaf on top by puerto rico. puerto rico?!? haha! it's about time that those apathetic nba toolbags got spanked. i'm not proud that i enjoyed watching my country's team get humiliated, but it's true. they deserved to get beaten, and that's just what happened. it's the same reason why i hate the nba now. i mean, i used to love pro basketball, and this olympic team showcases the exact reason why i don't watch it anymore. they do not play as a team. all these guys are interested in doing is making the plays that end up on sportscenter. well, they are definintely getting on tv. except the highlights we're seeing are of how much they suck. that's just fine with me. i hope they lose again. the only way for nba players to win in international competition is for us to have players that actually want to participate. i'd rather watch a team full of bench players who are excited and proud to compete over a team of marginal superstars who don't give a shit. that is what the olympics are about. if it's a pain in the ass for you to be there, then fucking stay home. ok, no more being pissed off. i went to milwaukee the other day and caught a game at miller park. it's definitely in my top five ballparks, which now looks like this: 1. oriole park at camden yards 2. pnc park 3. wrigley field 4. miller park 5. yankee stadium/fenway park (tie) more importantly, the polish sausage won the sausage race. i wish i hadn't bet my entire savings on the italian. i smell a rat... oh, wait. that's probably just because one of them got grinded up in the bratwurst i ate... ick. 8.16.2004chicago fun times
today is my last day in chicago. the past few days have been a blast, albeit at the expense of my bank account. so, as much fun as i've had here, i am actually happy to be going to champaign.
the funny thing about chicago is that every time i come here, i can never figure out why i left. i mean, i absolutely love this city. the only thing that i don't like about chicago is its location. the only notable cities nearby are milwaukee (about 90 minutes), indianapolis (3 hours), and detroit and st. louis (both approx. 4 1/2 hours). and it's debatable to call milwaukee and indianapolis "notable." the cool thing about the east coast is that there are so many cities in close proximity. start at boston. from there go to new york (3 1/2 hours)... to philly (90 minutes)... to baltimore (90 minutes)... to washington d.c. (45 minutes)... to richmond (1 hour 45 min)... to raleigh (3 hours)... to charlotte (2 hours 45 min). to be fair, i'm not exactly feeling bad about never having seen charlotte or richmond, but if i'm going to include milwaukee and indianapolis above, then, places like raleigh have to be included here. i almost even included hartford, but i know first hand that hartford really really sucks, so i left it out, no matter how much i wanted to include my home state on the list. but, anyway, i'm getting off the topic. aside from the location, i love chicago. the restaurants are awesome here. there are countless cool bars to hang out at which are all open late. the people are nice and friendly. the public transportation is convenient and covers most of the city. what's not to love? i still feel like i am home when i am here, and i haven't lived here in four years. even then, i was only here for a year. oh well... for now, i am happy being a visitor. i leave for champaign as soon as i get my lazy ass out of this chair and into the shower. i'm excited to see my best friend that i've known for as long as i've had the ability to remember. who knows what we'll end up doing, but he has high definition television, so i could easily see us doing nothing but hanging out in his apartment. honeslty, i could use the time to recover. or, i could use the time to pound more mind erasers... yeah... mind erasers... 8.11.2004nothing can tapas now
first of all, mad props (mad props? sigh...) to chris for making a killer dinner last night. for anyone who's interested, he made:
meatballs in spicy tomato sauce brave potatoes (soft potatoes in a very, VERY, VERY spicy tomato sauce) serrano ham w/ manchego cheese on sliced french bread sliced french bread rubbed w/ tomato and garlic, topped w/ serrano ham dates wrapped in bacon (some stuffed w/ almonds) in a cider dressing skewers of chorizo sausage w/ yellow peppers chrizo sausage in a cider sauce spicy mushrooms broiled beef shish-kabob with lemon juice chicken paella spinach and chick peas w/ toasted french bread gazpacho of course, there was homemade sangria also. i made sure to drink like half a pitcher of that. for all my bitching on monday about how people don't get back to me, the three people i was hoping to hear from all called me yesterday. so, apparently, i'm just a moron. this is not a new revelation. i don't know what's going on today, but i know that tomorrow morning i'm heading out to chicago. it's kind of weird because since my friend has to take care of his baby daughter all day, i feel like i haven't really had a chance to hang out with him. even when we're at the house, we still can't really do anything. because, obviously, if the baby is awake, we have to keep an eye on her, and if the baby is sleeping, then we can't make any noise because the baby will wake up. i totally understand that this is the way things are when a seven month old baby is involved in someone's life, but it still kind of sucks. anyway, i'm really psyched to get on the road tomorrow morning and make it back to chi-town. i LOVE that city. i miss it tremendously. i'm really excited about going to a milwaukee brewers game. supposedly, miller park is phenomenally beautiful. and, on top of that, they have the sausage race. it doesn't get much better than that. obviously, my allegiance leans towards the italian sausage, but i'm going to pick the hot dog in an upset. sadly, i'm probably going to have to try all four kinds of meat logs when i get to the stadium. gee, i still can't figure out why i've gained 20 pounds in the last year and a half... 8.09.2004enough bitching about bitches...
i just realized what a whiny bitch i've been about this girl.
yes, she's great. no, we can't be together. what else needs to be said. moving on... i'm in philly right now hanging out with a good friend of mine watching him make a 23 course dinner for his wife's family and myself. well, i wasn't officially invited, i just happened to be coming to visit on this date. so, i lucked out. actually, he's making tapas, which, apparently, require a lot of preparation ahead of time. i don't know if i would spend two days cooking to prepare such an involved meal. well, ok, i would... if i was a good cook. however, i'm less of a cook and more of what i like to call an alcoholic. now pass the damn sangria already... going to places where i know people is always weird. like, i'm here in philly, and i contacted a bunch of people before i left to see if any of them wanted to meet up. of course, they always seem excited about it, and then when i get into town i only end up seeing like one or two people. i mean, it's partially my fault as well, because i usually don't have much downtime when i am in a certain city for a short period of time, but still. i only had two hours of sleep last night, so when i got on the highway in connecticut i was feeling pretty drowsy. about 45 minutes later my condition was upgraded to "nearly comatose," so i had to pull over and take a 20 minute power nap. it worked. i'm not dead, and neither is anyone else. apparently, my friend needs tobasco sauce, and i have just become the grocery store bitch... at 12:19 in the morning... 8.08.2004have blog will travel
well, it's just about that time. when i wake up monday morning, i will officially be leaving connecticut behind.
two years ago, if someone told me it would be this difficult to leave connecticut, i would have hyperventilated from laughing so hard. but, a funny thing happened over the past few months. i actually started to get close with people. and, let's be honest, any place is tough to leave when the right people are there with you. i've made some really great friends over the past year or so. i could name a few of them in particular, but for obvious reasons i won't. of course, there is a special place in my heart for one girl, specifically. i wouldn't have thought i could've been impacted so much by a 21 year old girl who is still in college, but she is just an incredible person. she's helped me realize what i want to acheive in my professional life, and that i have to make sacrifices to get there. chief among those is giving up the thought of having control over where i live. so, while it certainly would be more exciting to live in new york city, or chicago, or some place like that, the important thing to me now is not so much where i am but what i'm doing. it's extremely difficult to put into words how this whole situation has been for me. and it's even more fucked up because i know that once i am gone, i will have so many other things going on in my life, that i won't have the time to be thinking about how much i miss having her in my everyday life. unfortunately, though, that thought isn't very comforting. i wish nothing but the best for this girl, and i am trying my best to just view her as a friend, but it's really hard. i'm not going to lie, if my feelings for her don't dissipate, i will be absolutely crushed if she meets a guy that she really cares about. tonight was my last night seeing her before i take off. when we hugged, i didn't want to let go. i haven't really felt that way about a girl in four years. so, for the second time, i am leaving a girl who i am very attatched to and have really strong feelings for. the last time it happened, the girl found a great guy one year later, and now they are married. at the time, what i did was right. had we stayed together it would have never worked out. but, later on, i eventually came to the realization that were she not dating anyone, i would have done whatever it took to have another chance with her. sadly, that epiphany came two years too late. the difference between this situation and that, however, is that the girl from four years ago wanted us to stay together, even after i moved back to philly. whereas i did not. this time around, both of us are in agreement that this is just not the right time, and that we are doing what is best for us. and, not just for each of us individually, but also for our relationship and whatever type of one it ultimately turns out to be. this is probably the mose difficult time i have ever had leaving anyone behind, and mostly because of the uncertainty of what's to come. all i can do is assume the worst, ignore the best, and hope for something in between. the girl aside, it's also sad to leave my two close guy friends. after being here for so long with no guys to hang out with, it was totally unexpected that i'd run into these old acquaintences of mine from high school and end up being such good friends with them now. it's a funny world, i guess. when it comes down to it though, i am excited. the possibilities of where this trip can take me are endless. sure, i could end up getting nothing accomplished, but i am going to make sure that doesn't happen. i refuse to go away for a year, have fun, and then come back east saying, "ok, what the heck am i supposed to do now?" those days are over, and i am going to make something out of this venture. it's not going to be easy, because i know there will be those days where i won't be motivated, and i'll want to sit on my ass and be lazy, and i'll have to fight that. i know i have it in me, and i feel good because now, for the first time, i have some sort of focus, and at least a general goal. this time, when i'm on the road, i won't be afraid to make a turn that i don't recognize, because i know that i can always go back to where i started and keep going straight until i see the next street. i'm ready to get this fucking car started. 8.01.20048 more days
in eight days i leave connecticut and make my way to the rocky mountains. i'll be in denver for a couple months, and i'm really excited about it. after that, i am moving to austin texas for an undetermined amount of time.
moving is always a scary thing. i really don't know how long i'll be gone for. i could be there a year and then come back east, or i could end up staying there a while, or i could end up going somewhere else totally unexpected. one thing i am confident of, however, is that austin will rock. it's funny, because people are always asking me, "texas!? why austin?" i don't usually know what to say. i just want to tell them, "because it's not here." but, of course, they won't get it, or i'll just end up sounding like some whiny bitch, which i am, but i'm trying to keep that a secret. the bottom line is that i want to see what is there for me. it's a young city with a lot of opportunity and possibilities, and if i can't find what i want in a place like that, then at least i'll know i have no motivation in life and then i'll be ok with coming back east and finding some 9-5 job. but, for now, i've got to at least give this a shot. i'm also happy to be getting out of the restaurant i work at. the people i work with are cool and all, but i just dont like that place. the customers are not my kind of people. it's depressing to work somewhere where most of the customers are old and rich. and then they expect you to kiss their asses when you didn't bring them enough lemons and limes for their san pellegrino. grant it, part of it is just me being bitter because i'm sick and tired of waiting on people, but the people at this restaurant can be particularly petty about things. seriously, it's hard for me to describe how much happiness i will derive from not working at il palio. of course, i am a little bummed about leaving for a couple of reasons. i finally have some close friends here, and now i have to go. and, as is the case whenever i'm leaving one place to live in another, i met a great girl here, and nothing will come of it. well, no, that's not true. i've gained a good friend. and i appreciate that. but, sometimes i have to remind myself that being friends is not a poor consolation. it's difficult because a couple years ago, or, hell, even a few months ago, i probably would've had my head screwed on straight about this whole thing, but i'm at the point now where i wouldn't have cared if we got really attatched and then had to leave each other. i would've been ok with that, because i would have been ok with the fact that she wouldn't have physically been around me all the time. as long as i could talk to her and see her once a month or something, i'd be ok with that. of course, i need to look at this realistically. what are the odds that this kind of long distance thing would work after only 2-3 months of dating? probably not good. plus, she's got her own shit going on and i wouldn't want to fuck that up or put pressure on her. she's gonna be a senior in college at a major party school and she's in a sorority. i don't care how mature she is, she's gonna get drunk one night and want to fuck some guy and without feeling guilty about it. i mean, it's ok, i understand that. it's just hard for me to hold back. i've held back a lot over the past few years and i'm tired of it. i want to give this a shot even if it's got a good chance of failing. this is why i'm happy to have the friends that i do who are able to make me shut the fuck up and do what i know is right as opposed to what i want. do i want to blow a friendship with this girl because i don't have the patience to see how things pan out over the next year or so? no. but that's esentially what i'd be doing if i were pushy about this whole thing. even as it stands now, i'm trying to be cool about it, but every time i see her i am reminded of how much i like her, and that's tough to get out of my head, even though i'm doing my best to make it go away. for example, i want to make her a mix cd, but how stupid is that? it's not going to help. it can only make things worse. until i can get the idea of ever dating this girl completely out of my head, it will never happen. the first step is making this realization. the second step is being able to actually forget about her, and that's the hard part. but, moving away will make that easier. not that i want to completely forget about her, obviously. i do want to be friends. but, living so close to her and knowing that we'd probably be together if we weren't leaving makes it hard for me to just want to be friends. why do i always do this shit, though? when i was leaving connecticut/philly to move to chicago, i left a girl behind. when i left chicago to come back to philly, i left a girl behind. when i went to europe i left a girl behind. and now, once again, i'm a fucking retard. why can't i meet these girls before i make plans to go away somewhere for an extended period of time? what a fucking tease. for many reasons, the next eight days can't come fast enough. there's all of the things outlined above, plus all of the friends i will see on my way out to denver. i can't wait to see everyone in philly, chicago, champaign, and all the other places i may go. man... is it august 9th yet??? |
talk to me, dance with meblah, blah, blah...
hartford whalers links
sure sign that i'm maturing
blogworthyfacebook shmacebookarchives
tv is more of a parent to me than you'll ever be
video games being played by me
get off your ass and go somewhere
site feed |