i had an eventful trip from denver to philly.

upon leaving denver, i realized that i had a flat tire. this put me and bob and hour behind marcello and ken, and about an hour an a half behind carrie and kelly.

soon thereafter i realized that bob can't drive stick, so i'd have to do all the driving. a couple hours later i started to feel a bit drowsy, so i had to pull over and rest my eyes for 45 minutes.

we got back on the road and were about two hours behind.

we were making up some ground until we got to the end of nebraska and into iowa where we caught some rain and snow, which, of course, the others squeaked past.

eventually, though, we made it to chicago unscathed, and arrived the same time as the pizza and beer, so there's something to be said for good timing.

the next morning, as marcello shut the door to our friend's apartment behind him, i had an "oh shit!" moment. i left my keys upstairs. of course, the outside door was locked. thankfully, some woman came down to let her cats out, and ken was able to run up and find my keys.

ken offered to drive the first half back to philly, b/c i had gotten all of eight hours of sleep in the three previous nights. what a relief.

when i woke up, the first thing that ken said to me was, "are we supposed to be in michigan?"

"no. no we're not."

eventually, we got that all straightened out and were on our way to philly without any problems.

i'll try to update again next week if i get a chance, and i may even have some new hockey scores and stats for your enjoyment.

i hope everyone has a good holiday!

so it is. my last weekend in denver. i'm not going to go much into it. after all, i've only been here four months.

all i will say is that there are a lot of things i will miss about denver, mostly people.

of course, that's always the problem. it sucks to make friends and then leave them behind. it's even more difficult because for once i am doing what is probably best for me, rather than what i would like to do because it would be a lot of fun.

this week has been busy. work, packing, seeing people, etc. so, i haven't had time to post (except for one time on wednesday when i did post but my computer shut off right before i was going to save it. ARG).

anyway, this SATURDAY night i work my last coral room shift. it should a be a lot of fun, so any and all are invited. come by around 10. i'm sure it will be a blast, and i'd love to hang out with y'all one more time before i split.

peace out, denver.

my computer is being a piece of crap. one of the fans stopped working. it's running at about 1/10 of it's normal speed. i don't have any viruses or trojans. i don't know what's wrong with it. but it's freaking annoying.

also, in 11 days i go back east. i don't really know what my living situation is going to be like, but rest assured it will suck for at least a month. this means my postings will probably suffer a severe cutback until sometime in late january or early february. i'll still be posting, but most likely not every day.

we'll see what happens.

i got nothin'.

top 8 cheeseball dvd's i own that barely suck, partially suck, or mostly suck but are still awesome, anyway.

8. phantoms. mostly sucks. it's got ben affleck in it. enough said.

7. starship troopers. partially sucks. the plot is mediocre, and the acting is horriffic. but, it does have denise richards, lots of blood and guts, and wonderful cheesy lines like this one...

6. escape from new york. partially sucks. first of all, snake plissken is one of the best characters of all time. second of all, he is one of the best characters of all time.

5. cannibal! the musical. barely sucks. this is actually a good film disguised as cheese. it's well written, funny, and the musical pieces are hilarious.

4. army of darkness. barely sucks. if snake plissken isn't the coolest character ever, then ash is. evil dead 2 is the best movie in the series, but i don't own it, so it's not on the list. but still, this movie is cheese at it's finest. it has good acting, it's really funny, it's got memorable lines, and crappy special effects.

3. return of the killer tomatoes. mostly sucks. absolutely. this movie is total crap -- and i love every second of it. and, yes, that is george clooney. if you've never seen it, i really think you should. the tomato girl is HOT.

2. they live. mostly sucks. rowdy roddy piper stumbles across some magic sunglasses that let him see the alien species trying to exploit the human race. woo hoo!

1. UHF. barely sucks. this movie is really funny. it has michael richards in it, who does his normal schizoid routine very well. plus, it has gedde watanabe, fran drescher, a midget camera man, poodles being thrown out of windows, and wheel of fish. what more could anyone possibly hope for?

i'm very sad to see this. of course, his point is well taken. hopefully, you'll be back, my friend.

1. if we're not open yet, we're not open yet.

when i tell you that we don't open for another twenty minutes, that's what i mean. no, you can't come in and just have soup... yes, even, if all you want is a glass of wine, we're still not open... i don't care if the place across the street opens at 4:30. we are not open yet. can't you see that none of us are in uniform? does the fact that the door was locked when you walked up to it mean nothing?

2. please tip on the amount before the coupon/gift certificate.

i know that you are getting your $23 filet mignon for free. that does NOT mean that since your bill is now $57 instead of $80 that the appropriate tip is $10. the appropriate tip is still $16. grant it, i'm assuming a 20% tip in this case. but whatever. tip on the original amount of the check. it's common courtesy. i did $80 worth of service for you. not $57. you already got your dinner for free. in the name of paris hilton's gonnorhea, tip me properly.

3. if you don't like your meal, tell me when i ask you.

don't tell me your food is fine, and then eat the majority of it, and then tell me you didn't like it when i come to clear your plate. because, guess what, you're paying for it. if you really don't like the food, stop eating it. tell me you don't like it. don't be shy or embarrassed. i will have the kitchen make you something else. i won't have the staff do a circle jerk into it.

4. don't steal shit.

i would think this would be apparent. do not steal the silverware. do not steal the salt and pepper shakers. do not steal the worthless comic books behind the plexiglass case in the bathroom. do not steal my fucking pen. do not steal the candle holders. do not try to deny it when you get caught. do not continue to be a stupid ass spelunker.

5. don't stay all night when the restaurant is obviously closed.

if you are the last people in the restaurant, please leave. i mean, if you're still eating or whatever, that's fine. but if your check is on the table, pay it. if you've paid it, go somewhere else. but don't make your server sit on his ass because you want to finish your lemon water and your conversation about which is better, regular checkers or chinese. would you go into a video store five minutes before it closed and stand around for half an hour figuring out which movies to rent? would you stay in your seats for an hour after the end of a baseball game because your enthralling discussion on ant farming just couldn't be continued elsewhere? i mean, c'mon, if it's that good of a date, then you're gonna get some. so why are you still sitting there???

anyone interested in buying a computer desk? it's a lovely piece i bought from target. i paid $80. it can be yours for the rock bottom price of... whatever you want to give me for it.

okay, now on to another one of my vacation recommendations. how about spending new year's in austria? sure, i'm insane, but someone who reads this might be thinking, "that jon is a crazy motherfucker. i kind of like that about him."

yes, a trip to austria is not cheap, but it's not ridiculous either. it also seems that, monitarily, certain parts of this country would be best suited to visit different parts of austria.








if you live in the northeast, i'd recommend going to innsbruck. it's a huge college town (25,000+ students) tucked away in the alps. 'tis the season for a visit to this city, a winter sports mecca. don't feel like skiing? how about giving curling a shot? or take a trip down the Olympic bobsled run. on new year's day, there are torchlit celebrations in the old town and on the mountains. not to mention that taking a trip up to the top of the alps will reveal one of the most beautiful panoramic images you could ever hope to store away in your head.

if you want to find a place a little off the beaten path where you can meet cool peeps to party with, check out youth hostel st. nikolaus. they offer a cheap dinner which is quite good, plus inexpensive beers with your meal. not a bad deal. also, they'll let you stay out until whenever you please (even if they tell you there's a curfew when you check in, just ask them nicely if you can come back at whatever time you like and they'll be totally cool about it). also, on your walk to and from the hostel, you will get to see one of the most amazing landscapes you could possibly imagine.

make certain to go to the tourist office and get an innsbruck card if you plan on taking the funicular to the top of the mountains. not only is it cheaper than buying a direct ticket, it also gets you into most of the major tourist sites for free.

if you can't make it to innsbruck for new year's, you might want to go in april and may for the world hockey championships!







if you live in the midwest or southwest, it seems that vienna is the place for you. you certainly can't go wrong being in the country's capital when the clock strikes midnight. there's tons of neat historical stuff to see here, and few things are as satisfying as sitting in a viennese coffee shop, sipping back a brauner or two, while munching on some serious pastry. as far as nightlife goes, vienna definitely has it.

for a cheap place to stay where you will meet tons of cool people, i definitely recommend wombats.

residents of the west coast or rocky mountain region should visit salzburg. home of mozart, a huge medieval fortress, and some of the best food in austria, this is the perfect place for a low-key, romantic holiday. of course, all bets are off on new year's eve...

be absolutely sure you take the day trips to lustschloss hellbrunn and untersberg peak.

there are obviously more places than just these three to visit in austria, but it would take days for me to go over all of it. as you can see, i've been to innsbruck and vienna, but haven't made it to salzburg yet. however, if you're like me, you know just from looking at these pictures that it's a place worth visiting.

but it sure as fuck ain't me... it's those retarded midgets... it's the little gnomes that live in my crotch... it's mr. snuffleupagus... it's those fucking commie bastards... it's just that, well, your breasts are way too small... it must've been someone else who looks just like you but is much more of a bitch... actually, your boobs are fine, it's your ass that's disproportionate... it's just that my marshmallow man can't stay puft... i bet you've heard this one before!... and when i say it's not you, what i mean is, it's you... thirty-seven?... it's all those cosmo/vogue/vanity fair/redbook/esquire quizzes about sex/life/dating/eating/hair styles/nail polish/potato ricers/aromatherapy shit/ass wart cream... it's that thing you do... but you sure are ugly... it's the other twelve guys you fucked this week... it's just that i'd rather dip my testicles in a vat of hydrochloric acid than spend another minute with you... but if i were able to change your name, i think i'd make it rhyme with "gunt"