11.16.2004tips for thanksgiving dinner
okay, i know that thanksgiving is over a week away, but i'm bored and i can't think of anything else to write about. so, without further delay, here is my advice for your thanksgiving day festivities:
-- fluffy turkey mousse = bad idea -- avoid any food with the word "balls" or "log" in it -- if you can't pronounce it, don't eat it --turducken?! TURDUCKEN?!?! (okay, i admit, it actually sounds pretty good and i've wanted to try one for years) -- if a decidedly ethnic food has a non-ethnic name, just feed it to the dog (or at least just let the kids eat it) -- do not attend a thanksgiving dinner if you are invited by W. -- when words like "jelly" and "celery" are used in combination, it's time to run... or vomit -- if the name of the food is hippified or changed in a way to describe itself as an adjective, it will taste like poo (for example, "turkerrific!" or "sweet potatotastic!" or "stuffalicious!") -- if this is being served where you are celebrating thanksgiving, call the authorities. seriously. -- most likely this is NOT the recommended way of cooking a turkey (note specifically pit #2). although, there is an 80% retrieval rate for the vegetables! -- just in case you are spending thanksgiving in hawaii... -- most importantly, spend thanksgiving with people you care about sorry for getting all mushy on that last one, but what do you want? i like the holidays... |
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