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11.28.2004this is getting out of hand
i was going to wait until monday to write, but this is just getting ridiculous.
look, i know that mcdonald's employees are, on the whole, not terribly bright. but i continue to be mysitfied at the sheer amount of utter stupidity that they display. specifically, i'm referring to a particular breakfast sandwich that i enjoy, which i referenced on this site once before. that sandwich is, of course, a sausage biscuit with cheese and bacon on it. healthy? fuck no. greasy heavenly goodness? you bet your fucking balls it is. the problem is that every single time i ask for it, i get something totally different. i DO NOT UNDERSTAND. i mean, i'm not asking for anything terribly confusing or difficult. i am very clear about what i want when i ask for this sandwich. "i'd like a sausage biscuit meal, and could you please put bacon and cheese on the sandwich for me?" PRETTY FUCKING SIMPLE. now, i hadn't had mcdonald's breakfast (or mcdonald's anything, for that matter) since late may. it's not something i like to make habitual for two reasons. #1 -- the obvious lack of anything healthful. #2 -- i don't like waking up before 11. however, the past couple of days saw me both wake up very early and go to sleep ungodly late. therefore, i thought i'd take the rare opportunities offered me to enjoy the artery-clogging stack of processed fat. the first time, on thanksgiving morning, i drove around to six different mcdonald's before finally finding one that was open. that's how badly i wanted one of these sandwiches. i pulled up to the speaker, gave my order ("i'd like a sausage biscuit meal, and could you please put bacon and cheese on the sandwich for me?"), and pulled up to the window. i paid the woman and quickly received my sandwich. "uh oh," i thought. "that was too quick." i opened up the wrapper and inside was a sausage biscuit... WITH TWO SAUSAGE PATTIES (and no bacon). what the fuck? did i say, "i'd like a sausage biscuit meal, and could you please put sausage on that for me?" no. i didn't. RETARDS. actually, that wouldn't be fair to people with downs syndrome. my apologies. the next morning, i had not actually fallen asleep and the sun came up, so i figured, "ah, fuck it." as i pull up to the drive thru of a different mcdonald's "restaurant" i order the same exact thing, "i'd like a sausage biscuit meal, and could you please put bacon and cheese on the sandwich for me?" i pull around, pay the woman, get my sandwich. i open up the wrapper. inside is a bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit. seriously, is someone just trying to fuck with me? i go inside and politely explain that my order was misunderstood and that i want a sausage biscuit with bacon and cheese. the girl apologizes and turns around to the "sandwich artist" and tells her, in spanish, to make me a sausage biscuit with bacon. "and cheese," i said. "you want a sausage biscuit with cheese?" "and bacon." a pause. a look of dumbfoundedness. another pause. she turns around and tells the sandwich maker what i want again. the sandwich maker and her start talking back and forth about the sandwich. this order should not elicit a 20 second conversation. and i understand enough spanish to know that they were just trying to figure out what i wanted. finally, when it seems like everything is settled, i hear the SM (that's sandwich maker, not sadomasochist, although apparently they can be synonymous) say, "con juevos?" "do you want egg?" asks the cashier. "no." "you want cheese?" "i want a plain sausage biscuit with BACON and CHEESE. that's it." sigh. at least they got my orange juice right. |
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