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11.29.2004thank you, will smith
old and busted...
new hotness... 11.28.2004this is getting out of hand
i was going to wait until monday to write, but this is just getting ridiculous.
look, i know that mcdonald's employees are, on the whole, not terribly bright. but i continue to be mysitfied at the sheer amount of utter stupidity that they display. specifically, i'm referring to a particular breakfast sandwich that i enjoy, which i referenced on this site once before. that sandwich is, of course, a sausage biscuit with cheese and bacon on it. healthy? fuck no. greasy heavenly goodness? you bet your fucking balls it is. the problem is that every single time i ask for it, i get something totally different. i DO NOT UNDERSTAND. i mean, i'm not asking for anything terribly confusing or difficult. i am very clear about what i want when i ask for this sandwich. "i'd like a sausage biscuit meal, and could you please put bacon and cheese on the sandwich for me?" PRETTY FUCKING SIMPLE. now, i hadn't had mcdonald's breakfast (or mcdonald's anything, for that matter) since late may. it's not something i like to make habitual for two reasons. #1 -- the obvious lack of anything healthful. #2 -- i don't like waking up before 11. however, the past couple of days saw me both wake up very early and go to sleep ungodly late. therefore, i thought i'd take the rare opportunities offered me to enjoy the artery-clogging stack of processed fat. the first time, on thanksgiving morning, i drove around to six different mcdonald's before finally finding one that was open. that's how badly i wanted one of these sandwiches. i pulled up to the speaker, gave my order ("i'd like a sausage biscuit meal, and could you please put bacon and cheese on the sandwich for me?"), and pulled up to the window. i paid the woman and quickly received my sandwich. "uh oh," i thought. "that was too quick." i opened up the wrapper and inside was a sausage biscuit... WITH TWO SAUSAGE PATTIES (and no bacon). what the fuck? did i say, "i'd like a sausage biscuit meal, and could you please put sausage on that for me?" no. i didn't. RETARDS. actually, that wouldn't be fair to people with downs syndrome. my apologies. the next morning, i had not actually fallen asleep and the sun came up, so i figured, "ah, fuck it." as i pull up to the drive thru of a different mcdonald's "restaurant" i order the same exact thing, "i'd like a sausage biscuit meal, and could you please put bacon and cheese on the sandwich for me?" i pull around, pay the woman, get my sandwich. i open up the wrapper. inside is a bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit. seriously, is someone just trying to fuck with me? i go inside and politely explain that my order was misunderstood and that i want a sausage biscuit with bacon and cheese. the girl apologizes and turns around to the "sandwich artist" and tells her, in spanish, to make me a sausage biscuit with bacon. "and cheese," i said. "you want a sausage biscuit with cheese?" "and bacon." a pause. a look of dumbfoundedness. another pause. she turns around and tells the sandwich maker what i want again. the sandwich maker and her start talking back and forth about the sandwich. this order should not elicit a 20 second conversation. and i understand enough spanish to know that they were just trying to figure out what i wanted. finally, when it seems like everything is settled, i hear the SM (that's sandwich maker, not sadomasochist, although apparently they can be synonymous) say, "con juevos?" "do you want egg?" asks the cashier. "no." "you want cheese?" "i want a plain sausage biscuit with BACON and CHEESE. that's it." sigh. at least they got my orange juice right. 11.27.2004back on monday
i'm taking a break until monday. hope everyone had a good thanksgiving.
11.24.2004sorry, everyone
i wish it wasn't this way.
i am so unhappy i can't stand it anymore. i have tried everything i can to get myself out of it, but it seems the more i try the deeper the hole gets. i can't get any kind of job for which i am not ridiculously overqualified for. even restaurant jobs, which i should not have a problem finding, are hard to come by here. on top of that, i am not able to really enjoy being out here because i can't afford to do anything. i can't go out. i can't go skiing. i can't go shopping. everything i do here is based on the word "can't." i can't drive down the street without being paranoid about getting pulled over, and even when i think i'm being careful, i get pulled over anyway. to make matters worse, i've recently hurt two people that are important to me. one of them is a friend. a good friend. and by being shady and secretive, i messed up how this friend views me as a person. the other person i'm not really going to go into. it's stupid girl crap and nobody wants to hear about that. but, basically, everything that has happened in the past month has led to this point where i feel completely helpless and like a complete asshole. throw that in the kettle with the fact that my roomies are peacing out in less than a month, and i think it's about time to say goodbye, denver. i wish i could stay longer, but i feel like i'd just be prolonging the pain and delaying the inevitable. i don't like who i am when i feel like this. everything in my life suffers because of it. as much as i'd like to think that i'm the same now as i am when i am happy with the way things are going, it's obviously not true. i can tell by the way my friends act around me, and now by the way people avoid my blog. i mean, i know my blog has suffered, because i was definitely gaining some kind of readership when i first got here, but ever so slowly, people have stopped reading, and i am getting unlinked. i can't really blame anyone, because i know my blog has turned to garbage. the problem is, until i can get out of this, i can't tell why. i mean, i've been trying so hard lately to come up with ideas, which is not how writing works for me when i am in a positive state of mind. but, i'm not going to stop. i could just give up and be like, "my blog sucks now, so screw it." but i'm gonna keep going. anyway, sorry for being lame today, but i gotta do it. i hope everyone has a great thanksgiving. 11.23.2004top 10 signs you smoked too much reefer
10. you think to yourself, "gee, that dharma and greg show is super funny!"
9. you decide to go swimming, because that 10 ft. shark seems like a pussy. 8. peanut buter and mayo? mmmm. sounds tasty. 7. you're pissed that 7-11 ran out of chunky monkey. not because it's your favorite flavor, but because now you can only buy eight pints of ice cream instead of the nine you usually get. 6. you're a denver cop (oh, wait, i'm sorry, that's top 10 signs you're a fucking asshole). 5. you live in detroit. 4. you read this blog and are entertained. 3. you read this blog and are entertained. 2. you seriously consider buying an egg wave. 1. you're this guy. 11.22.2004need a little help here...
okay. i have no idea what to do.
marcello and carrie are leaving in a month to go back to philly. i know i will eventually end up back east, but i'm not sure exactly when. i could end up moving back with them, but i'd like to stay here a little longer. i mean, i've only been here like three months. i'd at least like to be here for a little while longer. here's my dilemma. i ain't got no place to stay. i'm not asking for charity, but if anyone knows of a friend or whatever that is looking for a roomie, please consider me. i'd like to know if i need to be looking for jobs in philly or if i'll be able to stay here. i'm having some real issues to trying to figure this all out, quite honestly. i like denver, and i've met some really cool people here, so it would totally suck to leave so soon. however, i do miss the east coast. it's hard to explain to someone who's never lived there why it's so great. because people's impressions of east coasters is that we're all mean, rude, obnoxious, and we hate each other for no reason. that's simply not true. we have plenty of reasons... but, seriously, the northeast is unmatched. there is no other place in this country where you have so many different people living so close together. that being said, i'd like to stay in denver for a little while longer. i don't want to chicken out just because there's no good italian food around here. anyway, on to more important matters... leisure suit larry may have been an icon of early '90's pc software, but, much like two week old guacamole, does not age well. now, the aussies won't even let him into the country. i'm not sure if it's because the game is too raunchy, or just because it sucks so frigging bad. since we're on the topic, you may also want to check out the 10 naughtiest video games of all time. man... sex, violence, rock 'n' roll... video games are insane nowadays. i remember a time, not too long ago, when i was playing with power. not that i'm complaining. there are so many really awesome video games being released right now. i just don't have the money to buy any of them, so i'm waxing nostalgic instead. 11.19.2004jesus saves, gretzky scores
this new signing leads us (me) here at rtw to remind you folks that if you want to have your very own player in the rtwhl, all you have to do is ask. mid-season roster additions are welcomed and encouraged. 11.18.2004and now for something useful
who's interested in taking a vacation? i know i am. problem is i don't have any money. so, if i can't take one, i might as well help you out.
today's vacation destination? the czech republic. i'm not trying to rip off this guy, who will be in prague soon. i just love anything that has to do with traveling, whether it be the next state over or the next continent. before we get started, i will answer one simple question for you. why on earth would you want to go visit the czech republic? for one blaring reason. in a couple of years, your money will be worth squat in prague. last year when i was there, people were complaining to me how "expensive" everything was. expensive? for a kick ass two course dinner, two half-liters of rockin' czech beer, plus tax and tip, i paid $7. SEVEN DOLLARS. the same dinner would easily cost me $40 here. and that's the low estimate. forget that downtown prague is absolutely gorgeous. forget that it's also scenic. forget that the people there are amazingly nice and love americans. forget that the history is unmistakable. forget that the beer is cheaper than a small bottle of water at a 7-11 and the nightlife is insane. i wont even mention the girls. forget that you can ride the subway for about 35 cents and a half-liter of the ORIGINAL budweiser costs about 85 cents. forget about the absinthe. before you know it, the czech republic will be consumed by western europe, the euro, and capitalism, and you can kiss your cheap thrills goodbye. now on to more important issues. where to go in the czech republic: -- prague. obviously. -- kutna hora. to see the bone church. (although it's technically located in sedlec) -- terezin. if you want to go the concentration camp route. -- karlstejn castle, complete with turrets. -- cesky krumlov (definitely click on this link and take the "tour," it's worth it). for many many reasons. the least of which being a lazy inner tube ride down the vltava river. -- ceske budejovice -- cesky raj. "the bohemian paradise." check out one of the many sandstone rock towns. -- try one of the spas in karlovy vary. -- hit the slopes in krkonose national park. -- marianske lazne has all kinds of crazy healing spas and stuff. -- try getting to olomouc in 2017 for their 1000 year anniversary. -- stop in Punkevni jeskyne to take a boat ride through the caves. -- go cycling in sumava national park. -- telc is over 900 years old and is practically surrounded by ponds. neat. -- did i mention prague?? this is just a start. almost all of these links will lead you to tons of info. i have also added travel links on my sidebar. use them. if you are interested in going anywhere, i recommend going to your local barnes & noble and checking out the travel section. the best guides i've found are by let's go, lonely planet, and rough guides. if you are a member of AAA, you can get tons of free info from them as well. their europe travel book is a nice place to start, and like i said, it's free if you're a member. sure, there are other guides, like fodor's, michelin, frommer's, and rick steves. i'm not a huge fan of the first three, as they are tailor made for people with a significant amount of disposable income. rick steves has some decent qualities, but he's kind of an arrogant ass, and i like being the arrogant ass, not reading one. and, just so you are aware, here are the current ticket prices for round trip airfare to prague from 24 different cities in the US (prices are for a two week stay in april or may, which is a good time to avoid annoying tourists). finally, some more reasons to go to prague... the astronomical clock, the jewish cemetary, the food (it tastes good, even though it looks strange), the view, the view, the view, the view. i'm going to do this now before it becomes illegal...
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why are people getting all upset about this? i just don't get it. i mean, it's simply insane how conservative we are as a nation regarding anything sexual. i mean, all they showed was nicolette sheridan's back!
i don't get why it's okay to show people getting shot through the head, but it's not okay to show a bare woman's back. it's simply amazing. i don't care what was implied. you're either old enough to get it, or you're not. but any ten year old who saw it has seen worse in most PG-13 movies, and anyone else with a sense of humor who saw it probably got a good laugh out of it, because that's what it was meant to be. funny. after reading the above article it made me want to puke... this is what happens when you mix alcohol, pot, and percocet 11.16.2004tips for thanksgiving dinner
okay, i know that thanksgiving is over a week away, but i'm bored and i can't think of anything else to write about. so, without further delay, here is my advice for your thanksgiving day festivities:
-- fluffy turkey mousse = bad idea -- avoid any food with the word "balls" or "log" in it -- if you can't pronounce it, don't eat it --turducken?! TURDUCKEN?!?! (okay, i admit, it actually sounds pretty good and i've wanted to try one for years) -- if a decidedly ethnic food has a non-ethnic name, just feed it to the dog (or at least just let the kids eat it) -- do not attend a thanksgiving dinner if you are invited by W. -- when words like "jelly" and "celery" are used in combination, it's time to run... or vomit -- if the name of the food is hippified or changed in a way to describe itself as an adjective, it will taste like poo (for example, "turkerrific!" or "sweet potatotastic!" or "stuffalicious!") -- if this is being served where you are celebrating thanksgiving, call the authorities. seriously. -- most likely this is NOT the recommended way of cooking a turkey (note specifically pit #2). although, there is an 80% retrieval rate for the vegetables! -- just in case you are spending thanksgiving in hawaii... -- most importantly, spend thanksgiving with people you care about sorry for getting all mushy on that last one, but what do you want? i like the holidays... 11.15.2004life vs. life: the video game
life (morning)
oh, man. you forgot to set the alarm clock when you went to bed last night (more like passed out on the floor after a date with mr. tequila), so you wake up a half hour late for work. that hangover isn’t really helping much either, and you can’t get the bottle of ibuprofen open because of the “childproof” cap (which, of course, your five year old cousin can open with ease). you grab your shirt, iron it with about the same efficiency as giving your car a tongue wash, and run out the door. you get to the car and realize you forgot something... pants. of course, you just gave your only set of apartment keys to your girlfriend since she is going to be moving in later today, which means you have to run around to the front of the building to actually get inside. since the doorman almost never sees you because you use the back entrance, you have to convince him that you are not the neighborhood sex criminal. not an easy task in your boxers, a half-wrinkled shirt, a hastily knotted tie and the hair on your face about the same length as on your head. finally, you get to the elevator, but it’s taking too long, so you decide to use the stairs instead. on your way up you trip on the last step and bash your chin into the door. bloody and battered you stumble to your apartment and spend ten minutes trying to figure out how the hell tom fucking cruise can get the damn NOC list in mission impossible when you can’t even jimmy a lock open with a credit card. finally, the door opens. you go inside, grab a pair of pants, and put a band-aid on to cover up the gash on your face. shortly thereafter, you get in the car and are on your way to work. you drive through the nearby dunkin’ donuts to get a high octane dose of hazelnut flavored caffeine, but, of course, they’re out. you settle for the only flavor they have available, brazilian cranberry surprise. of course, the surprise is that cranberries don’t grow in brazil, and the coffee tastes like some rejected rancid ocean spray cran-java concoction. so, you’re driving along and need some musical accompaniment for your hellish commute. you look down for three seconds to flip the radio on, and when you look up you notice the car in front of you is not moving anymore. and you are. SCREEEECH! you stop just in time to avoid having your first airbag experience, but, since you took the lid off of your coffee, it is now mingling with the electronics inside your stereo system. luckily for you, the radio is still functional. unluckily, it is permanently stuck on a station which is running a marathon of “the timeless classics of yoko ono.” nonetheless, you arrive at work and find a parking space right in front. finally, a break! in shock that something is going your way, you are feeling better and a small grin creeps across your face. on the elevator up to the office, you think to yourself, “i’m going to make it through this day. things are starting to turn around for me now!” the elevator door opens up and you walk out into the hallway, but something seems a little odd. the place is a little bit darker than usual. then you notice that you haven’t actually seen any other people in the building. you walk over to the office door and check yourself out in the glass really quick. you are looking pretty good considering what the morning has been like up to this point. with your confidence growing you pull on the door handle. it’s locked. confused, you get to the lobby and ask the security guard, “how come there’s nobody here, isn’t it monday?” you get back in your car, muttering something about thinking martin luther king day was in june. oh, and that space out front? it was for the handicapped. too bad that tow truck just happened to drive by while you were inside. life: the video game you forgot to set the alarm clock when you went to bed last night. you aren’t sure what you were drinking at the bar last night, but it was chartreuse colored. you wake up feeling well rested and full of energy, but you notice that there is this strange black box hovering over your head. the box contains written words which are conveying some sort of story. then, “poof,” it vanishes. strange... anyway, since all the people around here wear the same clothes every single day, there’s no need to change what you’re wearing. you don’t need to take a shower, brush your teeth, or go to the bathroom either. you get to the car and realize that you forgot something... your satchel of weapons, cash, and magical elixirs. you get to the front door of your apartment building, and the doorman is perfectly willing to let you inside because you gave him that indecipherable blue thingy you found in the bushes last week. however, four octarots have appeared and are now shooting brown spheres at you. luckily, you still have your stopwatch, which freezes time and allows you to get inside the building. you go to use the elevator, but it starts shooting laser beams at you. damn. didn’t you blow those up yesterday? when you get to the top of the steps, you see a puddle of water on the ground. as you walk through it you feel a sharp stinging sensation. c’mon, silly. you know you can’t swim. you get to your apartment but the door is locked. luckily, you have your special key on you at all times, and getting inside is a snap. you grab your satchel, and then, for some reason, decide to check behind that painting on the wall. what luck! a piece of red cloth! what the hell is that for? eventually you make it to the car. on your way to work, you see a doughnut hovering in the air and drive your car over it. yummy, that’ll help you get some of your energy back. as usual, the traffic sucks. so, you whip out your rocket launcher and blow away everyone in front of you. good thing there weren’t any cops around to see it or you might’ve gotten caught! how about some music? oh, wait. you’re already listening to the same incessant beeping and booping that you ALWAYS listen to. nonetheless, you arrive at work and find a parking spot; and by “parking spot” i mean you crashed your car into the building and left it on the grass in shambles. luckily, both you and the building are a-ok! you get to the elevator and there are no laser beams. woo hoo! on your way up to the building you realize that you haven’t killed any monsters yet. how odd. you walk out of the elevator and look around. there's a treasure chest in the corner. empty. and what’s more? still no monsters. you scramble back downstairs and talk to the security guard at the desk and all he says to you is, “the mountain holds secrets that only the red cloth knows.” what? so you talk to the guard again. and again. and again. “the mountain holds secrets that only the red cloth knows.” on your way back out to the car, you mumble to yourself something about starting from the correct save point next time. luckily, while you were inside, your car was magically repaired and is now parked in a space right out front. 11.11.2004freedom costs a buck-o-five
let's take a quick look at the last week's events.
-- i get pulled over in front of my house by denver cops, handcuffed, and read the riot act. all because i pulled out of a gas station too aggressively. -- i don't go to a job interview to bartend at velvet underground because i'm working lunch at brasserie rouge, and what the heck do i need another job for? -- i am awaken on tuesday morning by a phone call from my manager at brasserie rouge who informs me not to come into work because the restaurant has closed. fuck. -- i piss off one of my good friends last night. -- i go to the nuggets home opener and they win in OT in a really exciting game. oh, i guess that last one was kind of good. well, you can't lose 'em all. and on a completely unrelated note... oh. my. god. 11.08.2004team america, fuck yeah
so, last night i went to see team america: world police with this kid. holy shit. it was awesome.
i mean, i like comedies in general, so i will often say that i think a movie is funny, but team america was non-stop. marcello, carrie, and i were laughing hysterically throughout the entire movie. if you have not seen this movie yet, get off your lazy ass and get to the theater. i've actually been on quite a move kick lately. besides team america, i've seen airheads, eternal sunshine of the spotless mind, young frankenstein, forget paris, and saved!. some for the first time, some for the umpteenth time. airheads sucks. forget paris isn't stellar, but it's decent and i like billy crystal. the other three are all excellent films. eternal sunshine and saved! are movies that everyone should see, not so much for their message, but because they get their messages across without being annoying about it (hello, michael moore). young frankenstein is just a pure classic in every sense. the cast is brilliant and it is one of mel brooks' best films. movies aside, rtw hockey is back. check it out. i realize that my blog sucks. i don't put up many links and i don't use pictures much. this is because i don't have time. i wish i had a cushy office job where i was bored for half the day and could ease my boredom by internet surfing, but, alas, i don't. i am making every effort i can to make rtw worth looking at, and i am trying to do what i can to improve it. once i have a somewhat regular schedule hammered out, i'm hoping that i can keep this site more consistently appealing. 11.05.2004curse schilling
i have a new theory. i believe that curt schilling is evil. this is not because i dislike him, or because my precious yankees lost, or anything like that. i have facts.
for your consideration: curt schilling pitched for the philadelphia phillies in 1993 when joe carter hit a home run off of mitch williams to win the world series for the toronto blue jays. it was the first time that a canadian team had ever beaten us at our own game. curt schilling pitched for the arizona diamondbacks in 2001 when the d-backs stopped the yankees from winning four straight world series, and gave the state of arizona it's first ever major sports championship. curt schilling pitched for the boston red sox this year. first, the red sox became the first team in baseball history to come back and win a series after being down three games to none. then, the red sox swept st. louis to win their first world series in 86 years. the final and most heinous deed of all is that curt schilling supported george w. bush this year. and bush won. thereby also ending the streak of the redskins predicting correctly the outcome of the presidential election. someone must kill curt schilling. it's not going to be me. please. someone... blogger sucks my nuts
seriously. i have been trying to use what little free time i have to make a new post for the past three days, and i haven't been able to sign on to blogger until today.
i am now in the process of looking for another way to publish my blog, so please bear with me for the next couple of weeks. i will still update (when blogger allows me to) and the hockey league is not dead. again, i just haven't been able to sign on to blogger since monday. also, i have not had a day off in almost three weeks, so that has given me less time to post than usual. i did, however, go to the nuggets home opener last night, and it was great. the nuggets won in OT on a jumper by earl boykins with four second left. hopefully i'll get to go to another game this winter... anyway, i hope everyone has had a good week. 11.01.2004things i've noticed
the most awesomest denver based hip-hop group is break mechanics (sadly, no web page). they totally tore it up at the blue mule last night. sorry to say, however, that the blue mule is no longer. it is now being called velvet underground and is being remodeled.
the wha, or world hockey association, was bought out recently. the hope is to have eight teams in place by this winter so a 50 game season can start in late december or early january. i can only hope. they need someone to fix their total lame ass website, though. i am getting super anxious and excited for this game to get released. it looks like it will be just about the greatestest, coolestest, bestest video game ever ever ever. check it out. EVERYONE will want this game. tomorrow, tomorrow, vote kerry, tomorrow
okay, one last plea to those of you who are undecided about who to vote for.
here's the most logical point i can possibly make about why NOT to vote for bush. it's not even complicated or technical. it's just common sense. where did the terrorists attack? new york. where did thousands of people lose their lives and millions of other have their entire world shook up? new york. where is john kerry beating bush by 5-10% in every poll? new york. so, if you are really concerned about your safety and security, as many people have said they are, why are you trusting a man who people in new york don't? it just doesn't make sense. vote kerry and save this country. please. |
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