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9.14.2004and now for something exactly the same
NFC EAST
philadelphia eagles -- this team is like the terrible pear infused gin, beefeater wet. because "wet" is exactly what eagles fans are going to do to their pants after they lose the NFC title game for the fourth straight year. washington redskins -- plymouth gin would best represent this team. plymouth is the best gin i've ever tasted, and the redskins are the greatest football team ever. plymouth is uncomparably smooth, and so is joe gibbs. hail to the king, baby. dallas cowboys -- boodles is a really terrible british gin. don't drink it. the dallas cowboys are pure, concentrated evil. don't root for them. new york giants -- i'll compare them to beefeater, which is your average, run of the mill, not going to offend anybody gin. although, in the giants' case, it should be called turfeater, because that's what their quarterbacks are going to be doing all season. NFC NORTH minnesota vikings -- they might as well be some generic, god awful gin that comes in a plastic bottle. seems like a good idea at the time because it's cheap, and then you start choking on it because it's so rancid. similarly, the vikings know a lot about choking. green bay packers -- the gordon's gin of the NFL. old school and well respected, even if there are better products out there. detroit lions -- kind of like seagram's gin. anyone else remember those seagram's wine cooler commercials with bruce willis? or those bartles and james guys? what about zima? that stuff blows... oh, um, right. the lions. yeah, they're not very good. but they're better than chicago. chicago bears -- this is going to be one of the worst teams the bears have had in a while. and van gogh gin is one of the most overpriced, not worth your time gins money can buy. NFC SOUTH atlanta falcons -- similar to the very tasty and ultra smooth gin, tanqueray ten. the falcons should at least have the "ten" part in common, because they should win at least that many games. carolina panthers -- citadelle gin is the best gin you've never heard of. just like how the panthers came out of nowhere to smack the NFC upside the head last year. the panthers, and the gin, are both still good. tampa bay buccaneers -- this whole division is tough to pick. none of these teams are bad, and any of them could be outstanding. tampa's defense is still top notch, and reminds me of fruit flavored jenever, which is a dutch/flemish gin that is high in alcohol content, tastes awesome, and will kick your ass. new orleans saints -- another average team in a tough division. they could finish last, as i'm predicting, or first. tanqueray (that's tanQueray, not tanGueray) is an average gin. you certainly can't go wrong with it. nobody who likes gin would refuse it. NFC WEST seattle seahawks -- this is the bombay sapphire of the NFC. they have the offense and the defense to compete with any team in the league. sapphire has the taste, price, and popularity to compete with any gin on the market. arizona cardinals -- they're like sloe gin. because if this organization was in school, it would definitely be the "slow" kid. st. louis rams -- my how the mighty have fallen. you know it's bad when you get picked to finish below the cardinals. they've had so much success over the years that everyone expects them to do well. but, hendrick's gin is really expensive so everyone think it's going to be really great, but it's not any better than gins you could pay $15 less for. san francisco 49ers -- kind of like bombay gin. forgotten about because of better prodcuts. bombay is overshadowed by it's sapphire counterpart, and the 49ers are dwarfed by, well, all the other teams in the NFC. they pretty much are going to win like four games this year. my pick for the NFC champion this year is the seattle seahawks. super bowl pick: seahawks over the patriots. what gins should you stock your bar with? i'd go with plymouth and whatever you prefer out of the bombay/tanqueray family. if you can find jenever, definitely get some, but it's not going to be easy. that's it for the liquor. i'd go into whiskey and scotch and all that, but i don't know crap about it. honestly, i'm pushing it with the rum and gin. i could go into beer, but i'd have to start a whole new blog just for that, and then i'd really sound like a snob... |
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