hmmm. what to write about? football season has just started, and i want to talk about that. but i've had a couple requests for a blog entries about gin and rum. how can i possibly decide between the two?!

unless...

unless i can find a way to combine pro football with getting drunk off of hard liquor...

AFC EAST
new england patriots -- the captain morgan private stock of the AFC. private stock is a rich, flavorful spiced rum worth every penny, and the patriots are rich with talent.
new york jets -- they're good, just like regular old captain morgan spiced rum. maybe not as highly touted as the better one, but still gonna satisfy more people than they let down.
miami dolphins -- like the malibu flavored rums, the dolphins are good and bad. the coconut one is always solid, but the weird mango one tastes like flipper's blowhole mucus.
buffalo bills -- comparable to bacardi silver rum. it's there if you want it, but it was so thirteen years ago. just like scott norwood's career.

AFC NORTH
baltimore ravens -- just like myers rum, ravens are dark. and this team's defense puts out the light on opposing offenses.
cincinnati bengals -- kuya rum tries really hard to be captain morgan, just like the bengals try really hard to be good. except they both suck.
cleveland browns -- ever heard of ciclón rum? it's this awful crap that's mixed with tequila. wanna know how it tastes? here's a clue: think of something that's the same color as the nickname of this team.
pittsburgh steelers -- parrot bay is not very good flavored rum. the steelers are a not very good football team. the connection is just that simple.

AFC SOUTH
indianapolis colts -- like bacardi 151, this offense can set things on fire. you want a flaming drink? use 151. you want a flaming football player? they dont get more gay than peyton manning.
tennessee titans -- since we're on the whole gay theme, the titans are like mount gay rum. one of the best out there, but i'm still not sure why anyone would want to climb on top of gay rum.
jacksonville jaguars -- anyone who's ever made a caipirinha knows that you need pitú brazilian rum for the job. unfortunately, that's about the only thing it's good for. what does this have to do with the jaguars football team? hell if i know.
houston texans -- cruzan flavored rums are about as smooth as a new yorker standing naked in the middle of a public square in dallas yelling out profanities about george w. bush. oh, and the texans aren't very good either.

AFC WEST
denver broncos -- hey, i'm not stupid. i live here now. the broncos are really good. they're the barbancourt rhum of the AFC. superior in quality, yet often is unnoticed and underappreciated.
kansas city chiefs -- obviously, with those bright red uniforms, the chiefs can only be compared to redrum. no, wait, i meant redrum.
san diego chargers -- i "charge" bacardi flavored rums with being delicious! HAHA! woo! (wipes away tears from eyes) whew... now that was funny.
oakland raiders -- i hate the raiders with a passion and i hope al davis burns in hell for all of eternity. um... and castillo rum sucks.

when it comes down to it, the AFC champion will be the patriots. again.

when it comes to stocking your bar, get captain morgan, mount gay, malibu coconut, and some kind of banana rum.

as you can tell, i know nothing about rum. i don't really drink it very often. oh well. i tried.

tomorrow i will review the NFC and that wonderful spirit made from the juniper berry -- gin.