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5.22.2004i'd like a large mozz with extra shut the hell up
i went to get a pizza last night from one of the best places in new haven. so, i'm standing inside, waiting to pay, and i'm stuck behind this woman with her kid. this woman was the type of human being that i just don't get.
the girl behind the counter asks her what she ordered, and the woman tells her, much too cheerily. then the girl tells the woman that it will be a couple more minutes. the woman says, "ok," and then gets really excited when she notices that one of her pizzas is ready. she starts going "oh, there's my pizza! see? with the broccoli and eggplant on it!" i really can't emulate how unbelievably annoying this woman was. very quickly, i'd like to take a minute and just explain something for those those of you who don't know me well. i will often say things such as "i wanted to punch that person right in the fucking face," or, "i felt like driving her over with a Hummer and then backing up over her again just to make sure." i say these these for comical purposes, and would never actually run someone over with a car. unless, for some reason it became legal to do such things. in which case, watch out. but, i just want to make sure that anyone who is reading this realizes that i really would never harm anyone. that being said... i wanted to beat that fucking bitch to death with her own fungus infected flip-flop. seriously, it's a fucking pizza, lady. i probably wouldn't get that excited about a pizza unless it was going to give me head, and seeing how that's pretty much damn near impossible, i'm usually a pretty cool cucumber when i'm picking up my pizza order. i don't understand why someone would feel the need to constantly talk and talk and talk about their pizza. i mean, at least if she was being like, "you guys have the best pizza ever," or, "everyone here is always so friendly," or some shit like that, i'd understand. it's just small talk. sure, everyone does it. but this woman was intolerable. even the cashier girl eventually just stopped smiling at the woman's dumb shit. hell, it would have been better if the woman was bitching. even if she was complaining about how long it was taking or something, i'd be more okay with that. but no. she's just an annoying bitch. the sad thing is that she's someone's mother. she had her little girl with her at the restaurant. and, no, it wasn't like she was being all, "hey, honey, look! that's our pizza!" in one of those cutesy parent to child type conversations. that little girl is either going to end up a cracked out prostitute or, worse, just like her mother. |
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