after work on saturday night, i went to a local shelton bar with a couple of friends of mine. no big deal. we drank a couple beers and played some darts. it was just a typical after work dive bar experience.

at one point, as beer will tend to make one do, i had to go urinate. i walked into the bathroom and went over to the urinal where i discovered two unopened condoms lying on the floor in a thin sheet of an unidentified liquid.

i started to think about how they got on the floor, but then my brain began to hurt, and i figured it was best to let it go.

about thirty minutes later, samuel adams' summer ale coerced my bladder into making a return trip to the men's room. i headed over to the urinal again, and just like the previous time, i paused for a second.

one of the condoms was missing.

now, this i couldn't ignore. my first thought was that some guy needed a condom really badly, and in a manic attempt to locate one, he figured that an unwrapped one covered in piss was better than none at all.

then i thought better of it and reasoned that anyone who would actually pick up a condom out of a pool of piss, probably wasn't going to get laid, anyway.

however, when i left the bathroom and walked back into the main bar area, i looked around and came to the realization that if there was ever a bar that would have women in it who would sleep with a dude who picked up a urine soaked unwrapped condom off the floor of a bathroom, then this was the place.

this means that somewhere in connecticut on saturday night, some really gross dude was banging some pretty nasty chick as the tantalizing aroma of stale piss filled the night air.

lovely.

anyway, sunday morning i woke up pretty early, around 8:30. i don't know why. i couldn't go back to sleep, though. so, after watching the sports highlights i needed to see, i decided to get up and go to mcdonald's for some breakfast. i had to take advantage of that situation, seeing as how i'm rarely ever up in time to have the opportunity.

i walked into the "restaurant" and placed my order.

i ordered a bacon, egg, and cheese mcgriddle meal. kick ass. in addition, i also ordered a sausage biscuit with bacon and cheese on it.

yes. a sausage biscuit with bacon and cheese. it really doesn't get much more artery clogging and unhealthy than that. i am aware of this.

but, here's what i don't understand. why is it so difficult for the people who work there to understand what i am asking for? every time i order it, i always get the same look of bewilderment from the worker.

i know what you're thinking. you're thinking that the employee is saying to him/herself, "a sausage biscuit with cheese and bacon? why didn't he just order an instant heart attack?" and that this statement is the cause for the strange looks i get.

i disagree.

i see their faces. they are not concerned with my health. they have that look of, "shit, how am i supposed to put this into the computer?"

now, look, i'm no mcdonald's cash register whiz, but i do know this... there are buttons on the thing for "add cheese" and "add bacon." call me crazy, but i'd think that pushing the button for "sausage biscuit" followed by pushing the above two mentioned modifiers would result in the sandwich i want. however, it doesn't seem to be that easy.

apparently, this is too difficult a task. i almost never get charged the same thing. the order can range from $2 to $4 depending on who's trying to mastermind the whole operation of making me a breakfast sandwich.

sometimes, and this is my favorite part, they put egg on the sandwich. i don't know why. is it because i ordered a sausage biscuit with egg, plus bacon and cheese? no. apparently, it's because the shitty frozen egg fairy sprinkles "can't take a simple freaking order" dust all over the place whenever i want some breakfast.

the best part about all of this, is that this sandwich was a creation of the mcdonald's corporation. i first tried it a couple years ago when it was one of their special sandwiches. apparently, we know why it didn't stay on the menu for very long. nobody knew how to make the damn thing.

finally, i got my food. knowing that i would need to do biscuit sandwich surgery, i pulled the greasy goodness out of my bag and walked over to the trash bin. i then enjoyed the looks of horror (and i kid you not, they were looks of horror) on customers' faces as they saw me unwrap the sandwich, pull out the "egg" and throw it into the garbage. i might as well have thrown a baby with a severed head in there.

anyway, you should try the sandwich some time. it rocks.

so, i'm at my local quizno's restaurant yesterday, standing in line to get a deliciously toasty sandwich. as i'm looking up at the menu, painstakingly trying to figure out what i want, i notice something out of the corner of my eye.

there is a couple standing there. the guy is standing to the side of the woman with his arms around her midsection, and his head was up against hers so that his mouth was touching her forehead.

i didn't really think too much about it until i noticed that the guy was pretty much sucking on her forehead. i mean it. it was a sloppy, big-lipped, french licking. needless to say, it was revolting.

i'm not a big fan of PDA, but i can deal. most of the time it's just some mushy cuddling or a little making out or something, and while i may not want to see it, i usually ignore it and forget about it. but what i saw yesterday is going to haunt me for a while.

was the woman enjoying that? i mean, when they're in their own home getting it on, what is their idea of foreplay? dumping chicken legs and biscuits all over the bed? perhaps instead of using chocolate sauce or whipped cream as an aphrodisiac they use gravy? i don't know. it's not adding up in my head. i don't understand why he would be slobbering on her forehead in a restaruant.

oh well, maybe i'm the asshole.

i swear a lot. sorry...

vinnie, vinnie, vinnie. how could you? how could you make that poor calgary player look like such shit?

for those of you who have no clue what i'm talking about, vincent lecavalier (that's leh-cahv-ahl-YAY, for those of you not fluent in hockey names) is just one of the sickest hockey players alive.

and, by the way, what's wrong with you? you're not watching the stanley cup finals?

let me inform you. hockey is almost the greatest sport on earth, second only to baseball. and the stanley cup finals are THE best championship on the planet. forget the world series. screw the super bowl. FUCK the nba all the way to fucking fuck.

the nhl finals is the most exciting championship in pro sports.

if you haven't watched any of the finals up to this point, do yourself a favor on saturday and watch the game. it WILL be exciting. the players on tampa bay and calgary are so good it will make you want to throw up all over your cat. then, after you think you've recovered, jerome iginla will put a fucking spin-o-rama on nikolai khabibulin (hah-bee-BOO-lin), and you'll throw up again right on your brand new leather sofa. that's how sick some of these players are.

if you like sports at all, and want to see two teams competing at a high level for the most valued trophy in all of sports, then do yourself a favor and sit down and watch one of these playoff games. it doesn't matter if you know nothing about hockey, you will be entertained, and you will thank me.

that being said, yankees win 18-5. suck it, baltimore.

sorry that this is purely a sports blog, but, hey, i'm entitled. it's been a while. and not one mention of how much the red sox suck.

except for that one.

oh well, nobody's perfect.

i have this other blog. it's about my trip to europe and how gay i am. well, gay as in i'm a stupid idiot, not gay as in i like to have sex with men.

basically, i don't know what to do with the blog. i want to put it to good use. however, it's been 6 months since i came back from my trip, and the statute of limitations is running out on how much logner i can actually talk/write about that trip. so i need to do something about it.

i tried making it a subjective (even though it was really totally objective) way to categorize and rate the cities i went to, but that's a very poor way to judge how cool or sucky certain cities are. especially considering the categories i used to judge them on.

it was a noble attempt i suppose, but was doomed to fail from the start.

so, last night i decided that maybe turning it into a more practical account of my adventrues, mishaps, and suggestions would be more appropriate.

don't get the wrong idea. any story i tell will have a point. it's not simply a "look how much fun jon had on his trip" blog. i want it to be helpful and interesting more than i want it to be an account of how drunk i got in every city.

anyway, as i was saying, last night i had this epiphany, and i went to work on my euroblog. if you have a minute and you can check it out, i would appreciate it. i'm going to add plenty of pictures to it also, but the ones that are there right now were basically just a test of the new photoblogging system that blogger.com added to the service.

i would appreciate any feedback, positive or negative, that you could give me. do you like the format? is it interesting or does it superly suck? thanks, everyone!

a concerned friend recently brought it to my attention that i probably have an unhealthy hatred of the boston red sox. well, "concerned" isn't the right word. i think the more accurate description would be "frightened."

look, i don't know what to say. yes, i hate the red sox. yes, it's an addiction. i am addicted to the hate. but, watching the red sox lose brings so much joy into my life. why would i deprive myself of that?

i don't mean that as an insult to red sox fans. because, if and when they ever do win the world series, it will be the singular most painful sports moment i could possibly endure. it's not a moment that will die quickly either. it will go on and on and on and on. it will be monumental. maybe the only team that could have an even longer celebration would be the cubs.

it's really a very simple equation. baseball is my favorite sport. the yankees are my favorite team. therefore, i loathe the red sox. that's it. maybe if i didn't watch sports all that much, then i wouldn't care.

look, i don't hate red sox fans. if anything, i feel sorry for them, which probably bothers them more than if i hated them. but, i don't mean it like, "aw, look at the poor red sox fan." i just mean that i almost hate that i have to hate them. but, i do.

i will try to tone down the whole hating the red sox thing for now, though. the only reasons i was writing about it at all is because, first, the sox may actually win the world series this year and for the first time in a long time i am legitimately concerned; and, second, sometimes i just can't think of anything to blog about, but blasting the red sox is always fun.

anyway, moving on...

i really believe that blogs are taking over the world. i think it's a great thing, too. i love how people network through other people's blogs. it's a great way to find more blogs worth reading and to expand the audience of your own blog. almost everyone who blogs is supportive of other people who blog, and there are so many people writing about so many different things, that i just think it's great.

if you haven't had the chance to visit any of the blogs on my sidebar, go ahead and give 'em a click. you might even find something you like!

wow, i just wrote something upbeat and optimistic. weird.

speaking of blogs, i am really trying to work on my europe blog. it got a facelift, courtesy of the new blogger templates, and i'm going to be giving it my own personal touch. it's not really worth checking out yet, but soon, young grasshopper...

one other thing i've been thinking a lot about is moving. yes, i've blogged about it before, but lately i've been very apprehensive when it comes to planning it out. i'm starting to get nervous and keep pushing it back.

really, what it comes down to is that i'm scared of making the wrong decision. the one thing i realized today, though, is that even if i go somewhere and i hate it, or it doesn't work out, or it just plain sucks, i always will have another option. so, i'm going to try my best to not be scared, and just figure this whole thing out.

of course, the problem is still that i have so many things to do this summer that my schedule is so packed i can't really figure out what is going on.

i have a bunch of things going on the second week in june, so i can't really do anything then. in july i have a date with traffic court. in august it's my sister's 21st birthday. obviously, all of these things are important. it doesn't leave me with much time to visit the people i want to visit, and plan my escape from this black hole i call connecticut.

if someone would like to just come up here, throw me in a bag, toss me in the back of their truck, and get me out of here, i don't think i'd put up much of a fight. anyone willing?

i went to get a pizza last night from one of the best places in new haven. so, i'm standing inside, waiting to pay, and i'm stuck behind this woman with her kid. this woman was the type of human being that i just don't get.

the girl behind the counter asks her what she ordered, and the woman tells her, much too cheerily. then the girl tells the woman that it will be a couple more minutes. the woman says, "ok," and then gets really excited when she notices that one of her pizzas is ready. she starts going "oh, there's my pizza! see? with the broccoli and eggplant on it!"

i really can't emulate how unbelievably annoying this woman was.

very quickly, i'd like to take a minute and just explain something for those those of you who don't know me well. i will often say things such as "i wanted to punch that person right in the fucking face," or, "i felt like driving her over with a Hummer and then backing up over her again just to make sure." i say these these for comical purposes, and would never actually run someone over with a car. unless, for some reason it became legal to do such things. in which case, watch out. but, i just want to make sure that anyone who is reading this realizes that i really would never harm anyone.

that being said...

i wanted to beat that fucking bitch to death with her own fungus infected flip-flop.

seriously, it's a fucking pizza, lady. i probably wouldn't get that excited about a pizza unless it was going to give me head, and seeing how that's pretty much damn near impossible, i'm usually a pretty cool cucumber when i'm picking up my pizza order. i don't understand why someone would feel the need to constantly talk and talk and talk about their pizza.

i mean, at least if she was being like, "you guys have the best pizza ever," or, "everyone here is always so friendly," or some shit like that, i'd understand. it's just small talk. sure, everyone does it. but this woman was intolerable. even the cashier girl eventually just stopped smiling at the woman's dumb shit.

hell, it would have been better if the woman was bitching. even if she was complaining about how long it was taking or something, i'd be more okay with that. but no. she's just an annoying bitch.

the sad thing is that she's someone's mother. she had her little girl with her at the restaurant. and, no, it wasn't like she was being all, "hey, honey, look! that's our pizza!" in one of those cutesy parent to child type conversations. that little girl is either going to end up a cracked out prostitute or, worse, just like her mother.

every now and then i depress myself. not horribly, mind you. i'm not in one of those, "i hate myself and i want to die" kind of moods. i'm just mad at myself for, yet again, waiting a long time to blog. i have a myriad of excuses i could use, but we all know it comes down to the simple fact of me being lazy.

anyway, i'm not going to harp on that, seeing as how i am writing right this very second. so i can't be all that disappointed with myself.

i've realized that just about everyone and their pet has a blog. or maybe it's just that most of my friends are prone to both spending too much time in front of their computers and using writing as an outlet. either way, i have a lot of blogs to keep up with over the course of any given week.

the number just keeps growing. for your viewing pleasure, i've added the blog of another friend of mine. check out the only way out is up for some smart ramblings about life in boston.

THAT'S MY BUSH!

it appears that president shithead, oops... i mean asswipe. shit. i mean total asshole fucking moron. well, you know who... anyway, it appears that he is losing a lot of his support. this could not have come at a better time, and i am super happy about it. i want to see him crash and burn, just like his pappy.

it seems that people are now starting to believe that the war in iraq wasn't worth it. GEE, YOU THINK?

i'm not going to get angry, though. because as long as people come around before the election, then it's not too late. let's not forget, papa bush had the highest approval rating in presidential history just one year before the election. how'd that work out for him? i see no reason to believe this time will be any different. just call the bush family the boston red sox of politics.

I LOVE GAS PRICES or: HOW I LEARNED TO STOP WORRYING AND PLAN MY SUMMER EXCURSION

i have no idea where i'm going or when. all i know is that i have been asked to and/or have the desire to go to the following places: chicago, los angeles, san diego, austin, seattle, denver, boston, winnipeg (yes, winnipeg), tennessee (bonaroo), toronto, vancouver, portland, philadelphia, london, poland, various tropical islands, alaska, champaign (u. of illinois), and last but never ever least, cedar point.

TODAY'S SIGN THAT ALL IS RIGHT WITH THE WORLD AGAIN

open up your newspaper, take out the sports section, and find the baseball standings. notice that the yankees are in first, and the red sox are in second. thank you.

i love my friends.

my name is jon gibbons and i used to suck dick for cocaine. it's one hell of a drug.

i know that it's unpopular to speak out against the war in iraq and afghanistan. i know that it's especially unpopular to speak out against someone like ex-NFL football player, pat tillman, who died during combat in afghanistan. yet, rene gonzalez of the daily collegian did just that, writing an article describing how pat tillman "got what he deserved."

now, i don't agree with everything that mr. gonzalez has to say. he does make some good points in his article, but unjustifiably takes blatant cheap shots at pat tillman. i mean, c'mon, dude, the guy just died in a war. and it would take an extreme circumstance for me to ever say that someone who was brutally killed "got what he deserved." but, aside from the childish attacks, which are unfortunately overabundant, gonzalez does have some good points.

not surprisingly, gonzalez is being lambasted. surely, the attacks against gonzalez' childish insults are warranted. but, to say that he is an american hater? that's basically just taking it to the other extreme. of course, the people criticizing gonzalez don't see it that way. they think, "how dare he say that pat tillman is not a hero?! the man died for our country! he died for you! for me! for us!"

yeah. great. what were you saying? sorry, i wasn't really paying attention. i was too busy picking out all the chocolate pieces in my chips ahoy.

look, it's not that i'm unsympathetic. any man who serves in the military of any country has my utmost respect in regards to self-sacrifice. of course pat tillman showed tremendous courage. of course pat tillman is not your typical american. in fact, the irony of this is that pat tillman is the most celebrated unamerican american in recent memory. after all, what is more american than hoarding money? yet tillman turned down millions to go fight in afghanistan. that is definitely unamerican. i mean, what true american is going to throw away a few million dollars for a chance to die?

the real problem here is that no distinction is being made between what tillman believed he was doing and what he was actually doing.

pat tillman believed that what he was doing was important. in actuality? well, apparently he wasn't too bright. or he was a republican. and let's be honest, there's not much difference. as gonzalez pointed out, it's not as if the united states was under attack and mr. tillman was defending his country. he volunteered to go overseas, to a hostile environment, to participate in a war that was started by the united states to protect the interests of united states politicians. that doesn't necessarily include your and my "security."

it's a tricky situation. i mean, the war that tillman fought in is a complete travesty. but it's unfair to criticize him for being so blinded. after all, ingorance can't be seen by the ignorant. so were his actions heroic? it's hard to say.

let's say that, for example, you are standing in the woods. all of a sudden, a big, scary looking wild animal approaches you. in the immediate proximity of that animal you are by yourself, but off to the side there are two animal experts who are close by. one expert tells you that the animal could attack you at any moment, and there's not really much you can do to prevent him from attacking you should it decide to, so to be aware of whats going on. the other expert tells you that the chances of that animal attacking you are extremely low unless you provoke it, so you should just slowly walk away from the animal and no harm will come to you.

so, you start to back away... then, all of a sudden, out of nowhere, a random person comes charging at the animal. he fights the wild animal valiantly, as you quickly move to safety. unfortunately, the animal kills the man.

so, is that man a hero? did he save your life? did he protect you?

maybe. but, it was probably pointless. you probably would've been fine without his help. so, should you laud his stupidity?

it's a yes and no kind of thing. yes, he was brave and did what he did because he thought he was being helpful. but, no, he really didn't do anything except get himself killed.

it's sort of like not being religious and having someone tell you they're going to pray for you. to them, what they're doing is helpful. to you, it's like, "whoop-de-shit."

i guess i just don't understand why this is such a big deal. i mean, do i really need to see his eulogy on television? two hours on espnews? fuck. enough is enough. i don't need to keep seeing pat tillman on television for a month and a half. just like i didn't need to see michael jackson holding his baby over the hotel balcony for a month, or howard dean screaming like a buffoon for two weeks.

personally, i'd feel worse for a guy who got killed while trying to save a 7-11 clerk from getting shot, or a woman from getting raped, or a boy from being kidnapped, than i would pat tillman. that's just how i see it, and i'm not going to apologize for it.

look, i don't have anything against the guy. he's not the one who is pissing me off. again, i do think that what he did was incredibly brave and totally unselfish, and he certainly deserves credit for giving up a shitload of money for something he believed in. but, truthfully, it shouldn't be automatically labeled as "heroic."

let's be honest. if he, for example, became a born again christian and decided that he wanted to serve god and be a priest, would people think that what he did was great? maybe a few. but most people would be saying to themselves, "this guy passed up millions of dollars to violate the poop chutes of little boys? what a moron."

it hurts me when i hear about the stories of other famous athletes whose lives were tragically taken from them, as well.

roberto clemente. thurman munson. darryl kile. reggie lewis. hank gathers.

those are just a few men whose deaths will always sadden me. now i will add pat tillman's name to that list. but, the difference between pat tillman and those other athletes is that he put himself in harm's way.

the bottom line is that the problem i have is not with pat tillman. it's with the media, who once again is oversaturating the shit out of something and making it more relevant that it really is; and it's with assholes who can't accept that some people don't find what pat tillman did heroic. in fact, some of us find it kind of dumb.

that doesn't make his death any less sad or tragic. on the contrary. from where i stand, his death is more disturbing.

look, whether or not you agree with the opinions that mr. gonzalez and i have (although, mine is certainly more forgiving than gonzalez'), at least give us the right to express them, especially if they are educated and well-thought (which, to be fair, much of gonzalez' weren't). it's one of the rights we have under the constitution that pat tillman thought he was fighting for.