yes. i have a lot to talk about. where should i begin?

what's that? sports? i really shoul... OK...

phil mickelson finally won his first major golf tournament. that's a nice story. i'm happy the guy finally won a major event after 43 tries.

mickelson's victory was pretty stunning, but not as surprising as the fact that i actually sat in front of the television for a good ninety minutes and watched the masters. i'm not a big fan of watching golf, but, i was actually interested in what was unfolding in this tournament. there were several tense moments, and i found myself really into it.

this scares me tremendously. i watched golf on television and enjoyed it. the way i see it, that can mean only one of two things. either it was a freak occurrance and i will wake up tomorrow fully cleansed of this experience, or i am turning into an old man who sits at home watching golf, looking at twenty year old porn mags, and soaking his feet... simultaneously.

one more sports item...

the nhl playoffs began recently. due to my complete lack of initiative, i did not get a chance to give my picks for the playoffs, which i'm sure is bothering the four people who read this. unfortunately, forecasting all the first round matchups after they're about halfway done is pointless, so i will simply say that, ultimately, detroit will beat tampa bay in the finals.

now it's time for the shit that is pissing me off.

i think i should be allowed to run over stupid people with my car. i don't mean i should be able to hit all stupid people with my car. that's not special. i just want to hit the moronic asshole pedestrians that blatantly disregard traffic signals, and then get mad at you when you honk your horn or yell at them.

allow me to present exhibit "A": two days ago i was on my way home from picking up a pizza. i stopped at a red light. the road i was on was a major six lane boulevard without an island in the center. just as the light was about to turn green, these four dumb bitches began to cross the street. they began to cross the fucking street. now, i would have understood if they weren't paying attention, and started to cross, and then realized they were retarded and ran across the street. but these whores knew what they were doing. they took their sweet ass time getting their big fat asses from one corner to the other. once they passed me and got halfway across, i started to go. as i pulled away, i saw the girls stop in front of the other cars to yell back at the drivers they aggravated, as if the drivers had no right to be annoyed.

those people should've been legally allowed to run the girls over, or at least tap them lightly.

sixty seconds later, after the light at which i was waiting turned green, i continued down the street. i went around a slight corner, at which time i noticed a human dung sausage trying to pop wheelies on his two-dollar flea market bmx bicycle in the middle of the fucking road. i repeat, this is on one of the busiest streets in new haven. holy shit. so, anyway, the jerk almost fell off his bike, and i almost hit him. i wasn't even speeding. of course, if i hit him, it would have been my fault, according to the law. that is just pure idiocy. if i hit that shit-for-brains cocksicle, the DMV should've put points back on my license, just for performing a public service.

i mean, imagine if the driver of a car actually had the right of way in certain situations. i think people would respect crossing the road a little more, don't you? accidents would be prevented. traffic jams would cease to exist. priests would stop molesting children! the red sox would win the world series!!

um... okay, maybe i got a little carried away there. obviously, the red sox will never, ever win the world series.

enough about stupid pedestrians. i want to talk about 9/11. anyone else had enough? i don't care anymore if bush ignored certain information, or if the cia fucked up, or if richard clarke is not credible, or if michael moore was only able to eat seven out of the twelve krispy kremes he bought that day because debris flew by and got stuck in the honey glaze. i am tired of hearing about it. you wanna know who fucked up? try everyone who's been in the federal government in the past fifteen years. that's pretty much it. everybody fucked up.

it's time for us to stop being so paranoid, and to stop worrying incessantly about national security. we are never, ever going to be one hundred percent, undeniably safe. no matter what we do, if some terrorists want to mess us up, they will find a way. that's just how it is; and the more we take away peoples' rights, the more screwed up this country is going to get.

i mean, take privacy in the workplace, for example. more and more employers are stripping employees of any sort of privacy. small video cameras are hidden throughout offices to secretly monitor workers' production. computer networks tell the company what websites you look at and what applications you run. some corporations even read your e-mails and instant messenger conversations. all because they want to know if you're being as productive as you can be.

america needs to wake up, because big brother is checking you out in the rear view mirror while you're trying to get head in the backseat.

the last thing i have to complain about is pretty simple. what is the exact age at which people cease using instant messenger? i've met quite a few people who are like, "oh, i don't use that anymore. that was just when i was in college."

i don't get it. i mean, instant messenger is a great way to stay in contact with people who you wouldn't be able to stay in touch with otherwise. why do many of you stop using it as soon as college is over? do people stop having parties after college? do people stop playing video games? do girls stop giving blow jobs? no. and thank goodness for that.

then there are the people who use instant messenger, but have decided that the generic "i am away from my computer right now" is an acceptable away message. c'mon, that's just lame, dude.

oh well, so is the end of this blog entry.