life is pretty cruel. when you're a kid you have all the time in the world, but none of the priviliges. when you're an adult you have all the priviliges and not enough time. when you're retired, you have all the priviliges and tons of time, but, of course, you're old.

whatever. i'm not trying to depress anyone, nor am i depressed myself. i'm just setting up my reasoning for why i am still living my life in a particular manner. i mean, i'm 26. i guess i'm supposed to have started a career by now, right? that's what everyone tells me anyway.

i'm not stupid. i understand. i know why my parents are concerned. i know why they want me to seriously think about my future. it's just that, well, i can't see myself settling for some office job just so i can have health insurance and a 401k. i tried it when i worked for enterprise rent-a-car. it was depressing as hell.

there was this guy in my office who was there for two years. most people with any kind of talent move up to assistant manager within a year. yet, there he was, two years later, still unable to pass the test for his promotion. he took it four times. every attempt a failed one.

not that i would have been him. i was good at the job, but i hated it. i just couldn't see myself committing the rest of my twenties to a company i didn't give a rat's ass about.

one of the corporate office higher-ups was a woman who had worked for enterprise for ten years. in the last five years of her employment, she took roughly two weeks of total vacation time. two weeks in five years? that's what was expected of me in order to move up in the company? fuck that.

i also worked for a marketing company. i was at the office or with my co-workers monday through friday from seven in the morning until at least eight at night. my entire week was bullshit. i was working between seventy and eighty hours a week. i had absolutely no life. i was miserable.

now, to be fair, i didn't hate the job itself. i enjoyed being out all day long and not stuck in an office. i enjoyed being out on my own without the constant observation and subsequent reprimands that ocurred every time i did something that he/she disapproved of.

the problem is that i wasn't very good at the job. i wasn't horrible at it either, but i wasn't going to be that guy who hung on for two years and couldn't get promoted. nor was i going to be the guy who did get promoted, but was stuck managing an office somewhere in omaha, nebraska... if i was lucky.

basically, what this shows about me is that i'm a fighter. that may seem weird, since i didn't put up much of a fight when i was working those shitty jobs i hated.

what i mean is that i'm not going to be young for too much longer. now, of course i'm not implying that thirty is old. but i've reached a point where i can't say to myself anymore, "it's cool, in four years i'll still only be..."

now it's, "shit, in four years i'll be thirty."

that's a scary thought. i mean, i feel like i just left chicago. then it occurs to me that it's been almost four years since i came back east.

so, how do i deal with this? by not giving up.

if i keep going the same way i am now, i'll be on a collision course. turning thirty will probably mess with me pretty hard, and, seeing no reason to believe i am capable of anything otherwise, i'll regretfully but willingly settle for one of those types of jobs that, at age 24, made me want to scream.

well, i don't want to sit here and let that happen. if i have to take some shitty office job at 31 or 32, it won't be because i was too apathetic to do anything else.

instead of getting bummed out about being a short time away from thirty, i am going to get excited about the fact that i'm still only 26. sure, it sounds gay, but i don't want to sit around and be miserable all the time, so i am going to do my best monty python imitation, and look on the bright side of life.

look, of all the people i know, i am the least likely to be motivated to do anything worthwhile, but i don't want to move to a new city just so i can have a good time. i want an opportunity to be around young people who are doing things they enjoy, instead of just talking about them. at least, this way, if i have to wait tables or bartend, the restaurant will not be my life. i will be doing other things that are much more meaningful to me.

as it stands right now, working in a restaurant is totally depressing. but, a funny thing happened to me the other day. i mentioned to a friend of mine that i was planning on seeing a show in new york. he suggested i write an article about the band. with his guidance, i set up an interview and arranged for a magazine to publish my story.

it's strange, but i feel so much lighter right now.

i know it's just one interview, and it's just one article, and all of these words i've written are just that. i'm trying not to get too excited about this. after all, my track record isn't so great. but, i'm starting to make a believer out of the one person that matters most. myself.