st. joe's was supposed to get beaten soundly by another team that proved they were better. st. joe's should've just been losing by fifteen with two minutes to go. they were supposed to be the little team that could, but just ran out of steam.

instead, all i know about what happened last night is that forty minutes was either not enough time, or about seven seconds too much time, to decide which was the better team.

my friend marcello described it best when he said, "i feel like i've just been dumped." i can't sum it up any better than that.

24 hours later, and i still keep thinking about the "what ifs." what if the guy for oklahoma st. who almost lost the ball, had been a split second later with his reflexes when he instinctually tapped the ball to his teammate? what if said teammate was just one more millimeter off on his mediocre quality shot, which did a tango with the rim before falling through? what if jameer had taken the wide open 3-pointer to win the game instead of the off balance, fade away shot to tie? what if...

marcello's comment is almost eerily perfect.

how many of us when we've been dumped haven't questioned ourselves? there are tons of "what ifs" that scurry through our heads. "what if i had been more attentive? what if i didn't take our relationship for granted? what if i hadn't videotaped that 3-way with her sister and her stepmom?"

well, i suppose some of us have more specific issues...

but my point is that this loss hurts. it hurts really badly. it hurts because i know that unless phil martelli can become a miracle worker and turn st. joe's into an elite program, that this was my best chance to see st. joe's climb to the top of the basketball world for all to see. once and for all, there would be no doubt as to how good a team this was. there would be no pity, no sorrow, and no "you gave it your best shot" consolation prize.

it's true that xavier, with their best player from last year having graduated, had quite a run themselves, also making it to the elite eight. but that is very rare. plus, st. joe's will not simply be losing it's best player. it will be losing two of its leaders and emotional spark plugs. jameer nelson's talent and leadership is unquestionable. but, as if that weren't bad enough, tyrone barley, the defensive stopper with immesurable heart, will also be gone.

next year's version of the hawks will undoubtedly be talented, and surely will win more games than they lose. they will again do the university and the city of philadelphia proud. however, st. joe's is not duke, or uconn, or kentucky. those schools' heartbreaking losses can be forgotten about soon after, because they don't rebuild, they reload. but for the hawks it will be back to normal, where just being invited to the ncaa tournament will be considered a success; and, short of another elite eight appearance, no matter how well they do, it will bring back all the good memories of this magical year, as well as the single most painful one and all the "what ifs" that can never be answered.